How's life?

Dear FutureMe, I didn't think I'd write another one of these letters, but it's exactly 3am, I've just finished watching Netflix, so here I am. I've been appreciating things a lot more now with exams and a new chapter of my life starting and stuff. There's a lot happening in my brain, that I'll probably have forgotten by nan's birthday dinner tomorrow. If I write in my notes app like I normally do, I won't read it when I'm like a month away from my 18th birthday. I want you to read this. Where I'm at right now is not where I'm going to be forever. I don't think I'll ever feel old as such. I thought I'd feel old at 12 when I was like 4, I thought I'd feel old at 16 when I was 11. Now here I am, sixteen in a month, and still feel the same as I always have. I'm happy. Am I? I guess. I'm neutral, but I will be happy. I'm not sad, and I compare it to the past few years. Maybe that's unhealthy, but it helps me see how far I've come. I was so ******* depressed from the end of 2020 to like the middle of 2022. 2021 has been the worst year of my life so far. If you've had worse than that now, I'm so sorry. I went through starving myself for about 7 or 8 months, losing my best friend, the covid lockdown, searching for therapists, and everything else combined. It just built on top of me so much. I'm gradually healing, and although I thought 'time heals' was a stupid, untrue thing that people just said to reassure themselves when they feel like ****, I have hope now. It didn't feel like it actually worked when the world was crashing down on me. Now, I think everything may actually be alright. Things are improving. And if I can get through these past few years, I can get through anything. It's been about 5 months, and 2023 is going so much better. I'M doing so much better :). I may not be in the absolute best place, but I know that I'm trying, and that I'll get there. No more questioning my *********, because I know who I am and what I want, and I'll get there. Friends come and go, and I accept that now. Everything happens for a reason. I want to live by that. I may still be cringey to my future self, but I know I'm nowhere near as bad as my last phases. I'm not as hated anymore lmao. I'm not scarily attatched to yk who, and I'll take my future attatchment issue and trust issue problems as they come. Although I'm not entirely clear on what to do with my future, I'm going to try my best to make it a good one for you. I prioritise writing, while also focussing on school. I hope I lost my virginity in college. If not, who gives a ****? I'm still so young, and I'm going to look after myself day by day and I'll get what I deserve. As long as I keep myself and others around me happy, the good karma will come. It may not always feel like it, but I'm going to be okay.