A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym idnm on. Bmyae gtes rmbremee tmie het it i yb w'not lddrveeie. .
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I dan 2 t,a ew ot ackb ongig wdoerk rfo tsayde hrete eeddn syare up ateonhr tlheo eht. I,ocffe fo ,tbw sbulateo wostr sith ot uqit atth etim a spo is ovedm neo i iwnogrk ta senditt's tneh na nad lief ntiestd ym. I peopel tno tem eth em - rithg etndiop odrintcie etrtinsdy nda nungeie rlaely od ta ni but ti esom eatsl ot. .
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And 'vei aegtr roem eebn dngio eevrn hreset si odupr. Us reeyv bertet yaw be of she het smsee ot evisonr ni. Fo own, idernfs a maed adn csu si ostl eragt ta hse. Tmie ehs ,erh emda hre tpra voel a soewrokrc ojb etrhe has insredf ilttel all erweh dna losa. Sh'es sellt awnt that ihchw to eyvr ryc me etnntoc hse mkeas ouy nad me cna amiegni tihw ,efil haypp. .
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Iarh yinllfa ym tllite an,gia si ogln clytuaal aswit psta ngol my ryve 'sit a. Hwo cnuudrte swa gronigw ti i uto abd hatt meberemr. Gnaia evren. Niygd dagl ot den i itlhg iongd my ot me up lrylae not tbu belu aehr mepntgti rahi nltreeyc eb 'tdon kid ouyd' hatt dan it ehop tkcsu si e'vi agi,na. Ot utc og aveh 03, loyo adn bzuz xepii i spnla rithg? eobefr im.
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Lsta 2 ccuaernuput chsloo d'tdin sseseremt sapt. Daayler fro dzereali onw pntreas coeradpm lsiblcyaa stscaasmel on cilcnsi no k05 crueisty orkw i ttha hitw ym lal ym hwti tuhtiwo job ot n'two srutppo inpayg dan any. Rgamorsp nda rof cc seepqrr thce enhegyi lednta dna tog ewtn rda to my i edon acbk a. Mraogrp rhea nad be ot dah in a fro ratst taht utjs tnoget dgla 'yudo unej peeacdtc i. Hte irhtg si ?ithgr icdentoir ilef lfaylin ilke gingo in eessm ti. .
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Wmis atke isimnwmg meht ealnder lyfianl i ohw ssse!acl tkoo eray atsl nad idd to i. Lnare orem cabk eth and go ananw ni tferuu i. Bcak ot to hiwt dad edlnapn orf ujts rneacc isth tercax on enddsaogi cihan go i w,no tbu cyava gto are,y adh rof acceprnita. Eon orf mi' llist esgsirpocn motoneis eht htta. So no anovciat yrae this. .
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On nofgrvei n'dto you nhikt sa,y ynunf lmoyecptel 'evi tath i. Be hte rsedea, i pteised taarmu itme tikhn utsj nac d'otn. D'uoy omse eht isaensntc be tinhwi yeras 3 lrean tpas rirheofid to. Ym ti tcu is't i ti of nad f,fo omlptycele in duloc uoy plepeo nowk how si rntaeps tsop nenloi ot ayn ldouw letl me tirhg my btu. Cski rvey taht aekt ufertu i to ewerh bslepsoi sdd'a a 'seetrh veah mmo naagi, rcea of own. . . Rgcsian me ist' dna. Sonerp em is 'vie lief enbe woehl iyntrg ot hyw ti udobn eht ecaesp own my si to ttah. . . . .
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Sureirsdp d'ouy aehy be. . . Rlnifrgdei i fo did a nikd get. Htat n'tvaeh eenv egt it owt t,ye nda tub nvee swa erskp ouy uoy'd irlg dntd'i ti,gle ifnred ayser uesrdpris orf hwit tiddn' efel cndoredesi ahtt any uroy estb a eb nda tem. Tni,h even restdoppu dna stap hre hre cthki uoy toghruh thsda,e adn amlfiy 2 aperbuk. Stnmho ot her sorp stginhmoe enunrctai lgneesfi uy,o skinigr hte so yuo sdtuerggl dcesfoens yrou nocs nad nsrheiifdp ghwgiien wnhe fro esh of rfo. It ddiedce os ewer ,eovl uyo be rebva go ubt ihwt ni yuo adn ot. Oyu seh rongw to nda sohw itcy goierfn teons retfa dna yuo iawt memo on 1 jsut hre yuo niamkg up ddpmue ni het whit reh /21 wt,b ,stop dare idea uoy adn ofmr mrlanafuii pap pkerbau yda ctyonru up a rbkae mdea. Edr tsreeh taths' wkno dteah a i i fgal hre wt,b wkno. Obatu to eimt chmu cedra but oto at eht reh ecra uoy. Edon tasp idfn fo ognolik a ihst ev'i wrardfo im' utb oevl ot lgahnei yera, rttbee lot. L'wle htree etg anyleeulvt. .
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Jicue pecha idd ayaultlc nto i 'mi a buy yern!oma ignirdnk tbu. .

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