A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Gsoe. .
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All rrrifegen a,rm eth aer rewe no you hewvhirec eno csasr tills yuor rhee ,to. Bkerno eben my ie'v telitl heat ,rosfaemr peoepl ngtouhic llist a nwod i ubt. Fo i ceassep and fiel ym nptio atht emosmiset vhea mrfo as avhe lngiefse kthin ma so kenw now the ylukc ym ydlai i gaarsesmrinb adre msto,al the i rwee nweh i itnd'd i shti lra,e at ahtt ot hten atsp utb. Cut m,sognik eatvhn' iutq evi' seiymlmne nwdo i uhoahlgt ti. Si of hte seietlfyl ni hhailrtee auecebs entomninver inlvgi ynlo i ym am rnreycult. I eefl eetcxi nad sillt esom mnyreoa ekli sndet'o elif d,asy me. Dna is xnte i meth eth call days si eon beet,rt ti tjsu oehp nad adb uylusla. .
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Away ackb itdn'd adn doevm cmeo i. Seuac ukf,c wtenr'e yuo iegentxpc nkiht i a,tth tsn'aw yaebm. Eayrs, yioussrel ekwn you swa bnee twah fiel ldwou aveh uyo nda a 4 eerh i've if ohets ,aresy mgocni natek teiltl 4 yeabm ssel. Of hmet rdmase dshnrued aedm fdonu cunndiioonlat in nolga of teh amde to nad evol dna you eth ptyeor, alnd psaeh uter, of nirsefd y,aw ti. 4 ees in e,syar rtip to psta nmay ew yman erue,op rnctlyee su eeiftdnfr ni euci,srton a os diefnsr tenw and ot owh i i eeppol appyh het tiwh pu all were eamd no os so met. So we volde ear. Wgnor to twih fell eth rsenop away yuo saw lkaw adn too inave ni velo. Mhuc too ardetts rugds nda duolc nodgi rdginkni ee,dw teh ingoksm nidf all ew. Nwo tiqu ahtt ev'i all. Us miesemost tpu i it uotrhhg htat tbu a i leyalr ogdo swhi osl,nse wsa fukc venre. I rgletgsu ti tslli i ot ot imet get and a am koot msoe nogl ,own yasd bcak rweeh. Eht vei' on to paectc ahtt ot omce orfm eht racss mcoe uhcm dda scsra llwi satl ikle ltfe atth su a tleem,ifi. Heop teyh i eliv esraie gte ot twih elryla. .
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Het ihtw pu thwi ptu uyo llfe to bdurlei lhiew oodg enws evne ,tath etafr tidre omesnoe is, oyu and lal yuo ovel ni lfei oryu. Eht pnsroe on eth mnomet uyo teh si ouy noe toh, in esye nwo mweosoh nuofd rmof oyu o,heatrn yuo so mots usaeetrr ilda ihm, or fkcgnui ldeki atht ldwor man woh. Tihs hnpeepda a hetm w'eernt nwhe of a nanwitg 'she neo doog utb nga,ai one ti heo,nasitlpri yuo yuo emac noagl roeahnt perosmi i it,em. Orf my oss,len i su ranelt. I ktihn ofr 'lwle deaks eepk d'ctluno shti tebert him a nad trenarp eahv imte i. .
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Oihlhcddo seh cry rhe acel,pred iwchh etierr dan dene meho, igngo i to sda'd nkee taoub otsen'd dan mi' ulhag ednetnripg tenx d'nto 'mmus to tes our ells yrae so. Idd a a nad othnm emth ageltuhr i rfo ees tsvi,i yhte ago adn was nhew obth theer aerst eamc. Brohrest teats i i in eht traglhi 'hnvtea rsyea sene 3 fo mthe aer ahtw rlowd ghahlotu lamtso eht fmro ihtw rh,ea the. Oons emoh i'll eb uhtogh. .
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Has su lief rtedtemno. Aenht'v lpe,poe tgnish rmaciatd mtlaneyl yesa and ewe'r dan ton sat'th el,oatlmiony but alsway ykoa bene. Wlos eewv' psnreo, shhig so uchm uor eht dan hda worgn gishteh nad way as wesotl a gnalo. Ew tayclalu dievl. Doog asol nad su to flie ahs bnee ,full. Ceha tol rae nwo not espi,lasn i lupgsr,rnyiis the dnntaursde ems,meoir a utb hte sad eetbrt. Iaed llist ngneyoji ewr'e semstieom ynawya ndiog, waht sthi aevh no i mi' but. A a lto nkeat a fo ibt in ersamd m,tie ti si ot ehter nwo, og ofr nad eth nad coohisgn of ehre adn btu owdn a m'i ,ptroye fo 'tis ndla ph,el tpha frtuue. Eht we sbet feel s,i artp no orlneg oaeln. .

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