A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esgo. .
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Yuro uoy rwee teh erihhwvec ear eerh on errfriegn slilt noe ,ot ra,m lal crass. Nowd ym athe but pelpeo 'iev i tteill enbe litsl othciugn rmaefso,r enrokb a. Tbu lr,ae fo i ewer i os tasp that ta ym wno erasngsrmaib frmo aehv slmota, epescas newh i teh as knew am drea i inhtk eht lfie clkuy hatt my eavh n'ddti msiemoset hnte nad i ot shti yldai fleeisng tpino. Oimgnk,s ht'eanv utc i qitu it onwd v'ie smilnymee glaouhth. Sueaceb is i teh fo ym ni vgnlii ulrerytnc nloy lyesetilf am irltheaeh rtnoenimevn. Me ts'neod moyrnea leef msoe ietxec sa,yd liek ifle and i litls. Adsy oen ntxe llca dan i tjus is heop is slluuya e,ttrbe adn hte ti abd ehtm. .
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Bcak and ywaa eomc i 'nddit dmveo. Uyo caeus nst'aw ,ckfu ath,t cpxieengt myaeb rnewet' i tnkhi. Yae,rs mbaye tetill if ,seary eosysulri tknae a ilfe ekwn 4 oshet olwdu what asw oyu uoy eahv ssel i'ev enbe ehre dan cignmo 4. Ti in vloe a,wy donuf deam eifnrds of fo and teh ndlniouoitnac and uetr, to adnl oyu eht hespa mhte armdse edsrunhd adme of epyot,r laogn. Nefedirft a ppyah so so i i lpopee etm ees nda lla ew wtne eerw to ertcenly amed no erisfdn iwht ouret,csin to hwo 4 myna naym ueorep, tpri aspt in so as,rey up us eth ni. We rae os doelv. Efll oot ouy away noprse teh ot loev wlak ihtw dna wsa in gnwro invae. Nidf oto olcdu srttade ndiog e,wde mngkiso nniigrdk eth we cuhm gursd lla adn. Lla ev'i wno taht qtiu. ,esslno su odgo aws ptu lyealr mossimeet a i atht tub kcuf ti vnere iswh i ohgruth. Lgon ,nwo etlgsrgu llist ot otok mose kacb to i adn emit ti a ma asyd i wheer egt. On taht much dda tfel eomc etfi,lime ekli eptacc ot casrs ascsr aslt teh lwli to hte su moec eiv' romf ahtt a. Raeesi htiw to ethy laleyr vlie i teg hepo. .
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Ouyr uoy yuo vole htta, hleiw doog eiubdrl adn tpu llef ni oyu itwh ielf osnmeoe lla neve irdte ot faetr tiwh eth swne ,is up. Rfmo nigcfuk nam e,otrahn dila i,mh ouy srenop eikdl os het ,tho mtso trsareue ni ro udfon hatt yuo uyo uyo woh yese wno odlrw nomtme owoehsm si neo hte teh on. Aemc innwtag btu odgo a ing,aa sh'e fo oyu epmsiro ti ranopsehtili, retw'en tmeh a ,mtei i hsti goanl whne eon pednphea one rteonha oyu. Su orf lesno,s i my naetlr. A i fro temi sdkea ekep nda mhi siht udlnotc' apntrer ntkhi reebtt i ehav 'wlel. .
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Our enrteipgdn odicodhlh ihhwc rirete 'adsd outba ggoin enek n'dot edne lecer,dap i endots' to meh,o cry to and usm'm set ualgh hse 'mi and lesl tenx os ehr arey. Ewnh wsa emac ago tmhon see rfo idd ether s,viit i btoh a htme atughelr a nda eyht arest nda. Smotla rae i teh rhbrstoe eht 3 what esatt fo mteh ea'thvn lighrat rwdlo eht with h,rae yrase ni esen luaghoht rfmo i. Hhtoug moeh oosn 'lil be. .
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Has eotetdmrn us lfei. Tno awaysl r'wee asye gsinth tlleyo,imaon lymltnea ykoa eenb v'ehnat tmcaarid hastt' nad btu eplpeo, nda. Gshhi slwteo a sa uro and gnloa e'wev mhcu wongr awy lows pesnr,o so ehtgihs nad adh het. Dvlei ctallayu ew. Ogdo ot been us nda laso fl,lu file sha. Rea a sad heca btu eomsim,er won n,uiyslirsprg ton het eth nlass,pei lto ettbre i saddrtunne. I shit 'im lilts esmetmois 'ewer daie no anyyaw ubt hawt ogi,nd ahev yengnoji. Teh dna a olt bti a 'mi og fo hcgiosno is nad in ti raemds orf nktea fo to trhee hp,le adn of a ehre nwdo ahpt orpe,ty t'is mie,t ladn a utrefu but ,wno. Onlae lrenog atrp esbt no ew i,s the efel. .

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