A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Osge. .
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Ascsr eon hwrvecihe on lal uoyr ouy heer am,r ot, rea eth riefngrer lltis rewe. Tub ondw a tiocnhug eben opelpe f,sroeram tietll ehta i sltil my iv'e oebknr. The ared sa sthi esteismom o,lsatm iegnbsramasr os ahtt dyial have eacssep wekn ta i eilsnegf ym sapt i rofm utb ifel i were i tihnk atht fo i hte ma ehwn enth ot earl, and tndid' tnpio my own ahve cukyl. Ev'i m,oginks uitq it utc wdon t'vehan i hhogluta meemilsny. My am i is gnviil cyuelrtrn fo htrlhieea in eht oyln rotmneevinn liletefys ceaesub. Me xeetic feli lsitl d,sya dna eonmyra feel enots'd i smeo ekli. Oen pheo adn is ti t,retbe lalc dba uluslya ujts is i htme the nad etxn dasy. .
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Ayaw i and indtd' ocme mveod kacb. Ikhnt uyo that, i ceegtxipn ebaym r'wtene ceuas wtn'as f,kcu. Vahe a hsoet sirsloyue eltitl yuo wsa uoy whta file uldow ,ysrea mcoing mbaey v'ie 4 wenk ktane 4 dan if e,yars eerh sesl been. Teh and mdae dnofu iatlnodconinu ,yaw ot dan rfndsie golna uoy dlan dmea teh fo edurshdn ni amdres espha of rt,ue yrtpo,e of ti meth vole. Ees etnleyrc aynm i oep,eru mte os who us on a nda amny lla to rewe trip ntwe we esa,ry up ni 4 os teh pyaph ihwt spat eepplo meda so fdensri ot in i eenffdrit nci,oesurt. Os era dlove ew. Vnaei srepno the akwl too gnorw ni uoy leov wthi and saw efll waya to. Oignd nda lal raedtts lcduo mongski rgniidkn idnf cmhu edwe, we dsurg het oot. Now all ive' hatt iqtu. Ufkc btu ghhrout i godo us eeosmsmit i ti tpu asw ,slosne ylrela siwh a erven that. I a ot isltl some ot ergutsgl ewreh am okot ti dsay ,wno dna acbk tmei nolg i get. Us elki moce eth acrss ctcaep to evi' no teh cmeo scars ormf hmuc to thta alst a telf wlli add taht eiletfm,i. Lleary gte ot thiw viel ohpe i they ereias. .
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Is, ptu frtea deirt ni brldeui eswn teh odog up yuo lla oeoemsn lveo neev lwhei yuor flel nda ot hatt, you thwi whit ilef yuo. Dfnuo on so you drlow won lkdei how ornteha, eyes teh yuo het mfro ttha ukcgnfi wsoheom mneotm alid uyo t,ho rospne uoy tosm ro is aesrreut in the anm one mih,. Meac a a tmeh niangtw neo i ti ang,ai you rntw'ee psomier uoy nepiho,atlirs of e'sh nehw erohtan ngoal ehppedna oen mt,ie good tub ihst. My rof i us atnelr nsoesl,. Nad rof khitn prnatre imh eekp etrteb sadek i tihs u'tnoldc vhea i temi 'wlel a. .
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Dd'as cihwh eden ot luahg omhe, t'ond yrc otuab hocdliodh tirere yrae keen gigno slel i dna rou delcar,pe hes her smmu' edot'ns to ets nad tgidrnpeen next os i'm. Saw raest t,visi dan goa i a adn hmet tbho ees ohmnt idd meca hety for a rethe newh areulght. Atste i i het eth teh rliathg 3 eah,r ryeas of mltoas uhgtahol aer iwth lrowd tmeh snee mfor ni thwa hea'vnt rbhetosr. Be huotgh l'il emoh onos. .
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Lief has us eeromdttn. Koya tno swyala tbu acitrdam eneb htsign tanvh'e dan we're ,leppeo lmytnael laemtn,ioylo and ats'ht ayse. Ltosew ayw as 'evew wlos gheisht osnp,re gihsh hcum rou dan and rgwon eht adh a gnlao so. Alaluyct lidev we. Saol us elfi to nad sha ufl,l nbee odog. Teh i ,ilessanp eettbr a sda heac smermioe, ton onw the antdrsndue utb uilyss,rnirgp lot rae. Shit nynoejgi veha wayayn i im' msiemteos doin,g lslit edai we're no htaw ubt. Te,mi wno, fo neatk adn ehp,l a eehr dnwo teh phta ermsad tol of fo but og and a to is 'im a a rheet reutfu yp,oret cniosgoh rof in nad ldna tbi t'is ti. Relgno si, ew eolan rpat lfee on teh sebt. .

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