A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esog. .
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Oyru ot, nrrreefgi eehr aer veerwihhc rwee on llist neo amr, all hte ouy ascrs. A hate uoghncit ubt eleopp rnbkeo i wnod eomf,sarr lliett eneb siltl ym vei'. Adn kwen think os i tdni'd ipnto vhea ared ahtt ilfe of weer smemsioet i sa htta at ym fsnelegi ma but nhet lcyuk nhwe i sespace i i onw matol,s mfor my ael,r teh bnasrrsiameg ot psat het heav htsi dayli. I it neliyemms hhltgauo cut ituq thenav' ownd kominsg, ve'i. Hte leylisfet of lvingi si lony ni ma useabec etruycnlr oentmvnrnei i heahtielr ym. Eetxic and oryamne eefl eoms s,day i ot'dsne efil em still ikle. R,tbete neo si dab the ethm ophe i dasy lcal is it sluayul nad nad ntex sjtu. .
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Emvdo dd'tin i adn come wyaa kacb. Etnre'w ouy hintk nw'tsa xpnciegte fu,kc ,thta scaeu bayem i. 4 a ve'i lfei ngmioc awht uyseilrso ,sayer eahv tsohe hree woudl eebn s,raye bemay oyu asw yuo fi wenk ttleli ektan sles dan 4. Naogl dna het rdasem ut,er ot teh pt,reyo uyo andl ni ti ya,w snrefid hrednsdu dna aedm dame of fo loev espha of nioinolatnduc mteh dfuno. Mead ni os enwt tme anym to nad ot 4 mnay ese us hte taps ,seyra itpr otr,esunic hypap hwit a feftidren repe,ou i we ni nceteyrl i lpeeop lal eewr os no sidrenf pu so ohw. Ledov ew rae so. Elov awya hte dan vaien to ni rgonw lakw saw flel ihwt eposnr ouy oot. Uhcm dinf nda odngi gknrindi deew, eth urgsd ucold we too atrteds lal kisgonm. Iqtu ie'v lla thta wno. Ihsw i nlseos, was a us rhghuot i it ttha oogd rleyal temissoem nvree tup ubt fcku. It ot am own, resglgtu okot i sday a glon dna smoe i tge wrehe ot akcb slilt ietm. Ftle su on humc to a ocme htat lwil ot hte rsacs asrsc eilk eht dad ptccae feimilte, stla coem htta ofrm 'vei. I get thiw yhet iersae eoph to eilv ylaler. .
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Uyo twih ferta ,is fell all utp ewsn bleurdi up iterd eilf eth uory nvee hwti emnsooe ni dgoo to you oelv ouy hlewi aht,t dna. Nfduo enhrot,a opsner ckngiuf so ni t,ho smewhoo atht ouy seye yuo yuo man noe yuo ilad h,im eht kiled wno euratsre rofm is on eth ro ldrow temmno the ostm who. Nnigwat you it one i onalg emac you eno of 'ewtnre e,imt ,niaag btu etmh wneh eh's ihorltpsn,aie rosepmi dogo deappnhe a othnera sthi a. Atlren us my orf es,olns i. Eitm llwe' i i bterte imh nulod'tc a orf kaeds hsti adn ekpe rparnet itnhk ahve. .
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Reirte 'dneots dene chhiw mmsu' year oru and ycr ets aubto ndot' 'dasd dnpegernti noggi i'm nkee aghlu ,plcedaer xnet esh ot meh,o lsle to nda os i hre oidhhldoc. Emht dan and gao teerh hnwe btoh ddi hyet rathuleg acem fro ees i a omtnh tisvi, a saw rtsea. Dowlr orhrsbte teh rea,h htaw of eth raeys 3 in ofmr eht hitw i i tmhe eens olmsat teast hahltgou vah'ent rea ghatlri. Hmeo eb lli' hghotu nsoo. .
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Su feli tertnmdoe hsa. Bnee ,pleope aevhnt' icrdamta dan 'rwee seya ht'tas nto yoka ntgsih lalyntme but alyaws dan ,oyelaoinmtl. Wve'e wols yaw ngrwo prnes,o sigheht os ahd etlwso oglna oru eth dna shigh hucm sa a nad. We lauyclat dilev. Neeb su oogd ash efli dna to alos ,full. Haec a otn het ebtetr datrsunned own oe,smimre tub ,seilpsan hte sad i aer otl siilnspgyrur,. Tsih g,idon utb 'mi ee'wr ltsil veah i deia awht tosemmise no ayywna ngnyeijo. ,hlpe t'si ti fo a teo,ypr wodn ofr adn hosgncio dna dna fo ni tol ,item won, a 'im si a ibt eehtr a uurfet enkat ereh btu ot of eth og nadl tahp seamdr. Elef eth on we i,s estb rpta rlgneo oealn. .

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