A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No idnm my. Emti i edrdvelie eht errbmeem amybe gest ti yb ont'w. .
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Wkredo yraes ofr i t,a ysatde oingg pu rneaoth eednd ew kcba dan eth 2 ot letho teerh. A leif adn w,bt devmo si hatt uitq na alsuebto i foiefc, tehn ise'tsdnt ym eidttns rswot of ta isht to mtie owknrig neo spo. I stael to eigunne etm dna me het it do ndepito lrleay ta ont igthr - in opelep oems tub trendoiic stneidrty. .
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'eiv rteag adn bnee ogdin produ si nveer reehst orme. The ni mssee of teebtr way rvyee esh to su oinserv be. Dmea si scu adn olts at hes wn,o taegr iesndrf of a. Reh temi owkoerrcs rehet nad re,h a boj ltltei sah ovel eirdsfn lla mdea erhwe seh aptr losa. Naiigem esh uyo dan aksem hchwi cttneon watn ot tslel cry yerv ttah paphy em cna e'shs me twhi efil,. .
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Goln is ,ianag a my psta ym ucallyat irha illtet eyvr ifyllna it's swtai nglo. Ti i abd tuo uurndect reememrb atth hwo was goiwgrn. Reven anaig. Dik i hitlg elbu pu pimnettg be dlag em it edn is dna ot tnd'o gndiy but ongid eyllra ot ucstk vei' naaig, nto ahir ahtt rnetlcye rhea ehop oyu'd ym. Veha ,30 ih?gtr nalps buzz ot looy mi tcu eixip i go nad reoebf.
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Dtind' puucntcearu osoclh tasp aslt 2 eessmrste. Nlisicc cuiysret rstuppo rwko k05 jbo no 'town all erelzdia cadrmpoe lyeraad i yan onw ecsstmlasa thiw thwtuoi orf no to hwit slayalcbi nad my my eptansr yingap that. A ot gmrsopra adn ewtn orf adlten cthe dan enod rrepqse ckba ym hneegiy got i cc dar. Gdal ahd njeu atth rtsat eb i a earh nad sutj ni for to ntgteo mrpgaor eectpcda y'dou. The is lefi ginog ti fynilal semes liek tihgr girt?h ideointrc in. .
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And last eac!sssl i did wism eary ernedal to i who ookt mwiismng fyailln hemt etak. The kcab rnela nda ni og awnan feruut i rmeo. Nwo, to ofr on ogt orf bkac tihw dndsgaoie nnelapd go dha acecnr cianh ot cavya sujt utb ecctianapr shti ae,yr rtcaxe i dad. Htat oen teh soesicrgnp im' tlsli rfo toosiemn. Ocatniav os no hist yrea. .
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Ienrgfov otd'n iv'e ikhnt oyu nnyfu i no ylepcemtol ,asy atth. Etsdpie hte cna be 'ndot teim i edersa, taramu sutj nkith. Eth 3 niithw hrdrofiei atsp to eb meos elrna esrya oyd'u eanintscs. I me ym lelt utc of eeplpo ubt tirhg ielnon elleycmotp opst ratpesn ni nda wnok my ti nay oyu odulw ot fo,f is oludc ohw si't it. ,angia i omm isck ahtt eryv now oblpsesi fo a ddsa' ot acer where ths'eer heva aekt etfruu. . . Adn 'tis rgicnsa em. Is teh v'ei rosnpe budon bene apecse hatt to my flei ot it em is wyh gyrnti heolw nwo. . . . .
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Be serpduirs oy'ud hyea. . . Of i did teg a eiigfdlrnr inkd. Enev pskre ieg,tl serya emt btes asw niferd that htat tdi'dn idnd't dan elef evne eb t,ye nda yrou a dscdieneor uoy ta'venh thwi wto yu'od rof lgri ubt nya riruepdss it etg. ,thedas erh evne thghuro rupdpseto nad dna mailyf ,htin uyo khcit paebkur 2 hre sapt. Iksgrni ot rfo ceefndoss spro for os uoy hes nrtacunei nda ehr ihdenpfrsi wngiiheg oryu nfeselig gsthonmie ohsmtn newh egdulstgr fo ou,y cnos teh. Beavr ni adn oyu os o,vle tub hwti uyo be edcddei ot ti og ewer. Ni dna ot made uyo twia mnagki day tsoen tyic pu rnoefig kbuprea ouy het kerba memo up rwogn erh dan fmor idea with rade esh reh iaialmurfn hswo 1 /21 on ryocunt sutj peddmu oyu a b,tw nda ouy app rfeat ptos,. Lagf tw,b esther att'hs wkno i i her tedah kown a dre. Carde caer utb too tbauo to muhc yuo eht tmei hre at. A iaghlen ,ayre ertebt ptsa of to iev' infd vole okgonli tlo oend isht tub orafdrw m'i. Ell'w get trehe yelvuaentl. .
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!aryoenm im' idd otn ijcue i kgnrniid apehc buy ltycalua a btu. .

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