A letter from Jan 17, 2023

Peaceful right?

Hello sweetheart, I don't know when you'll get this letter as I'm still thinking the date where this post will be post. So how are you doing dearself ? Are your life being so much better ? Are you got your job now ? How about your love life ? still stick with the one, well i hope you'll stay with him because he needs you and you need him. So, i'm a 24 you, still fighting with herself every single day to alive, still got an overthinking but not worse as it was, already did her best in final year. I did want to say something which thank you if you survive. To be precise. the main reason why i write this letter is to tell about my love life, my zakhwan. To be honest, he's one of the reason of me being strong. He's more fragile than i am, He's more hurt than i am, He's the one who makes me feel wanted, treat me like a princess, attract me with his good looking face, attractive smile, and beautiful eyes. i'm so in love with him, i hope you still are. He needs me, reima. He needs you. His heart was broke into pieces, shattered. He feel guilty to alive, to smile, to give people love which he never received it. People do **** to him, his ex, his family, all people around him. you know what is his favourite things to do ? faking himself infront of people. He become totally a different person around his friend. He always blame himself on people's fault, he fix himself on something that not even his fault. Every single day, he always ask me whether i still want to be with him because he has nothing to give me which i found that he has one. His favourite word are 'I'm not enough' 'I'm not capable to fix myself now' 'I want to die' 'why you choose me ?' 'I'm sorry' 'I'm your burden' , what have they done to him, reima ? who turned him to be like this ? Looking to him remind me to my old self. How broken am i during the time, how hopeless i would feel, How many times i said things like die, gone, dark but here am i, alive, genuinely happy, don't give a **** to people, be myself, never faking anything, all of that thanks to my bestfriend and my parent that always being at my side but you know what ? I should be grateful because i had them which he do not has. That's the main reason why I want to being with him, to being by his side, because i want to be his supporter, to heals him, to be there whenever he needs me, whenever he's fragile, whenever he has a thought of ******* himself. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH ! I HOPE HE STILL WITH YOU.

Epilogue

12 months later

HI my past, it's me Reima in 2025. it's been a long time since i wrote the letter to futureme. So, to update to you about my life...

A rhgti sa eiaknus bdh evnreeu endcdose no,w nad sdn csstiaeoa 26 ni ot aeyvll egaatrud gsecnrui nw,o 'mi ojb. Abtuo a ltel incse ot ym i uyo awtn nrurect astt'h oleef-ivl llitte me outba.
.
Imh lilst ahtt ew lelt gald rnwnedigo ew our eben l,lwe 2 you rcedbatele tsmu lilts emdcbeer tjus etogrhet vaeh eb yuo tlsa ritgh ot eyar nad teetgohr nsiaarenrvy itwh 'mi tpinrga ? ro ehtewhr awyas ew. Uyo on,e a boatu tlltie eovdl elt ahqiz uro em pateud zwkaahn. .
.
Meti i teh zihqa utb eenrv so nad cmeoeb lod ot tgrere ebt,ter sih iwta uhcm ong,e nibge is opsrertpu it he atesk. Elsim im' ah neseiksdg tanh euct wno, ervheewn eh's ofee,br triebhrg joesk yuo his hm,i nca eh adrnou i os wsoh i hswi anc. Ish hwti udorp twih uchm ebomec ,yialmf i eespicllya so etbetr aellry amilduallhalh of oals eloepp iprntsaolhie imh shi. .
.
Ramei si he my el,fi. 022,3 yare sa is enve 'esh in sltil uyo ni disa ckab 2205. Tcnita egnsli ilstl he vole reyve h,egnac and eernv ish rgwo raey. Ermo ew to !!!! thaw oyu uoy i amde eccueds osrepn fo evsa hwne ruo ,! arrmy peahpn tge em yb ti urnt in rahe so ew it rfo i we ot taht oprdu obht a etll mae,rraig ma,eri 'mi exnt ehpo ypyypayh ya uoy sono i eu,rojyn ot tiaw us uro dmea utabo ot lnpa odog oynem anc eayr !! thta ntex adn nda asy see mih ouy orf arstt iton m'i.