A letter from Jan 13, 2023

Hello, Sam. You'll be 22 now. If I've done it right it'll be your - our - 22nd birthday. Two twos. You'll like that. It rolls off the tongue. By the laws of slow but constant delta, you may be a different person completely now. a Ship of Theseus type deal. I was scared to write this. The future seems so uncertain. I was scared that three years from now you'll read this letter that's full of hope, that may have been from a simpler time that seemed to be so easy in retrospect, and be heartbroken at how it contrasts with reality. I'm scared that this letter will be full of false promises, promises that for the next three years I won't have the willpower to set out and do. We're so full of dreams, and I'm terrified to admit to anyone that I enjoy the life I have in my head, all the "what if"s and fantasies of fulfillment, more than my real life. I don't know if it keeps me sane or if it keeps me from really living in reality and getting things actually done. Maybe you've looked into a new medication and the fog lifted. Maybe you've really rabbitholed into a philosophy and it's brought you peace. Maybe you've found religion. I hope you've travelled and at least tried your hand at music. If you haven't, maybe this letter will give you motivation. You're only 22. You still have time. Just remember that it's finite. I have a journal that I'm trying to fill but haven't gotten very far yet. So far it's just lists and poetry. I haven't made a poem in weeks. I hope it's not something that's completely behind me. Try writing a poem again today. In the journal, if you still have it. It doesn't have to be great. You don't have to be great. The most obvious thing you'll ever be told is that what's most important is that you're happy. But you need to realise - it's obvious because it's so true. Use your happiness as a compass, not an option. Let it guide you, and be very careful when you ignore it. Don't make it into a habit. If what I'm looking into right now is what we end up doing, you may be doing education in healthcare at this point in your life. If you're not, that's okay. You're still here to read this and that's enough. Education is important but never has a time limit. Just make sure what you're doing is really helping people in some way or another. That's all we wanted. I'm hoping that Finlay and Chris are still in your life. They are good influences and some of the most truly human people I know. If I know them, they'll want you to stay in their life. So keep them in yours for as long as you can. If you haven't talked to Chloe in a while, try to contact her. She is a true friend, and I'm sure she'll be very happy to hear from you. Hang on to her. I wonder if she's gotten married yet? If she has, I hope we were there. I've always wanted to visit a snowy country. I really hope that everything worked out with Kaiiya. I hope that the complications got easier and the relationship started swinging into a happier automatic movement. I hope that wherever she is, either by your side or somewhere else in the world, that she's happy. How's Joel? I'm sure he's a big boy now. In my opinion he's the best dog ever born, but I suppose that's up for debate when he rips up mum's stuff. I hope he still sleeps next to you at night. Take him camping with you if you haven't already! Tell him he's a good boy and give him a treat from me. I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but he loves frozen carrot. Good boy, Joel. I don't really know what else to say. Take care in your fashion. You may have let that slip over the years. Don't be afraid to spend a little money on a really nice coat. It will make you happy. Don't let the violence that wherever life has taken you rip up your fragile soul, Sam. But don't become too tough to let anyone, or anything, in. I love you. - Me