A letter from Jan 01, 2023

Dear Future Me, If you're reading this, that means you're alive and maybe even well. I'm writing to you because I'm scared ... scared of what's going to happen the next few weeks and months. Scared of not ending up where I want to. Scared of not reaching what I long for and scared of never falling in love with life again. These days I often feel cold and numb and although people slowly start to see it and try to fix it, I know deep down that I'm on my own. I wish this were a movie where, eventually, someone would come and save me. But this is not a movie and no one can save me - no one but me. But I'm so tired. I'm tired and bored. Sometimes, when I lie in bed at night, I get hit by this wave of tiredness that makes me wish I could simply fall asleep and never wake up. I often think about the past: Being a child and not having a single care in the world. Not having to think about tomorrow... I wish I could go back to having no responsibilities and only live in the moment. I hope when you read this, you'll feel differently about life. I truly want this story to have a happy ending. Should you be better now, please be grateful! Your 18 year old self :)