A letter from Dec 30, 2022

Dear FutureMe, it's your 30th birthday and you're scared as ****, right? I find it so weird and yet endearing that I keep writing these emails to myself in English, but this language has brought me a lot of joys and pains and I think I can focus more on the message if I use this instead of Italian. I know you're scared, it's completely fine if you are. You thought you'd have had your first child at 28 and yet here we are, with you childless and probably jobless??? Or do you have a staple job you scumbag *****?! Are you even still in Italy? Well, who knows. Maybe you're dead and it's Lorenzo reading this. Hi, brother. Being afraid of ***** has always been my trademark, my therapist would confirm this, so I joke about it when I'm uncomfortable opening up and I'm doing this now, too. I really hope I'm able to read this email and that I'm safe and sound. Being jobless and euro-less doesn't even matter as long as I'm healthy and have food and a roof over my head. As long as the people I love are safe and have food and a roof over their heads. Everything goes. I'd love to meet you even if it's impossible. Did retinol work? Do you actually look still in your 20s? What color is your hair now? Did you manage to put on contact lenses or to get eye surgery, or have you kept your glasses? Are you fat (you likely are, that's ok)? Do you still love lilac with all your heart? 보라해 *****, I do hope you can still read Korean, though. You're so obsessed with this language that it would be really ******' awkward to forget it all, and for you to find these meaningless doodles in the email. But I guess you can't forget the alphabet, and you can't forget BTS. Chissà se l'Altrosessuale esiste ancora. Did you manage to write a novel? Did someone publish one of your short stories? Do you still write? How many books have you read so far this year? I'm so curious it's almost frustrating not being able to know it yet!!! I want to meet you future me!!! What do you look like? I hope you have very long hair and that your ***** are still cute. That you like what you see in the mirror and that you can be indulgente con te stessa if you don't. Did you have *** in a very heteronormative way? Wow that'd cool. How was it like? And if you didn't, well, you got to 27 without so you can go on like this. You'll be perfectly fine. You know love. You're all the people you loved. Omg I can't wait to know what kind of music I enjoy at 30, is it reggaeton? Hiphop? Trap? Did I just hurt my head and started liking Queen? I hope not. Am I still into kpop? ****, this email sounds like an interview. I'm just glad you can read this, if you can. I wanna hug you so much. I just know you're loved and that your party is gonna be great and full of joy. I hope you've travelled a lot these years, and that your life has been filled with both simple and strong emotions, with unexpected gifts, with laughter of students and kids, with really good books and songs. This is something that never dies. I'm so proud of you I'm almost crying. Well, I'm crying bc I'm on my period and I'm a Cancer crybaby. We've done so much in just 30 years. All this life experience is almost overwhelming, to the point I barely remember how it feels to be 20. What were you doing on July 9th 2015? You had long brown hair, a lip piercing and were about to go to Amster*** on holiday and then Stockholm, for your Erasmus+ exchange. Wow. Ten years to come to this moment. Life surely is odd. I wish you all the wishes, and the dreams, and the best. Also the worst can teach you something, though, but I swear I've already learnt my lesson once lol The warmest hug, 30 tirate d'orecchi, un beso and 사랑해요 아미-씨 Your past 27-year-old self who loves and cherishes you very much