It's from me! Remember you?

Dear FutureMe, Did you get the job? If not, did you cry? If not, did you get something better? Are you employed at all yet? If so, was it worth all the tears, waiting? Are you still so focused on work at all? Do you still feel like you did the right thing at when you quit the newspaper? If you happened to have changed your mind remember this: you hated Florida, especially Sarasota. And you hated missing out on life so much. And you hated the idea of writing mean-spirited stories about people who did nothing more wrong than being human. It wasn't dirty politicians or murderers you were gunning for. Your editor sent you after a two-bit cokehead who was already dealing with the consequences of his actions - he'd lost everything. He'd done no other wrongs. You hated the politics of the newsroom. You hated that there were people willing to do the wrong thing, and willing to hunker down and not take a stand, simply because they wanted to get ahead. That's not you. You could never do that for long - you couldn't have done it much longer. You already felt as if your insides were imploding. No steady job would have been worth continuing on that way. You hated that the best parts of your job - the stories about hurricanes and drug trafficking and crime - were so dependant on other peoples' suffering. That's no way to get ahead, at least, not within yourself. Are you excited? You're getting married today. Don't forget how much you love him. And if it turns out you can't have babies, don't hate yourself for it. It's not your fault. He'll love you no matter what. He'd have to, or he wouldn't deal with all of your tickling and poking and whininess and moodswings. Don't forget that he sees something in you that no one else ever has or could. Because he's the one. Do you still lie awake at night, feeling guilty for the things you never told him? I hope by now you have stopped beating yourself up over your past. It's not worth it. If you told him, it would only hurt him. And he might not be able to deal with it. And then he would lose you. Which would hurt you both. It's not worth it, if for no other reason than the fact that you guys were meant to be together. To tell him would be to throw that all away, and I know you: you believe in fate. You can't change it. You'll never have to live it again. What's important is that given a second chance, you'd do it all differently, that you are not so selfish and so reckless that you'd do it again, despite the consequences. It's over. Have you moved on? How are you and your mom? Does she understand you better? Does she still make you nervous? If you do get to have babies, make sure that you love them and squeeze them and give them everything you possibly can. Don't overdo it - think of your own mother, afterall. But just remember all of the things you hated. And just don't do those things. Never, ever lay a hand on them in anger. I know it will be tempting. But our true goodness lies in whether we can face the worst of circumstances and still come out proud. You can. Don't forget that. Do you love yourself yet? Hope so. Love, Me.