A letter from Aug 06, 2022

Dear reader, My name is Carissa. I’m the second child of Roger and Kristin. My older sister is Alyssa and my little brother is Joshua. My sister currently has two children of which I’ve only met one, Zach, and I don’t for-see meeting again. I first met him when he was first born then for three years, they bother disappeared. Just this year, I finally got to see him again but for a short period of time as Alyssa has once again taken off. I never met my niece nor will ever get to as she is in the system. My parents were 20 years old when they had me in 2001. They had my sister at 18. Joshua wasn’t a part of the picture until they were 30. Both of my parents don’t have high school degrees, as well as Alyssa. I am the first of my family to graduate high school as well as reach 18 years old with no kids. My father had two daughters but only wanted a son. He was a high school drop out with a teen pregnancy. To this day I feel as if my father resent becoming a father so early and having his “fun years” taken away from him as he preffered to be a partier and raging alcoholic instead of a father. My parents owned a dark brown and black duffle bag of which my father would numerously pack to abandon us when he was upset. Nothing was ever good enough to keep him from leaving us. If it wasn’t for my grandparents, I probably would never have seen my dad again after I was 5. My father was very aggressive towards everyone around him. Wheither you were his wife, his kids, his pet, or his friend; nothing would be a good enough reason to keep him from laying one on you. I recall the night before Matt and Jennifers wedding at Tom and Cindys, he was fight with my morher in their room which shared a wall with my own. He screamed and yelled and hit her. I recall hearing my mom scream then a thump be followed as if my father had pushed her off the bed. Don’t get me wrong, they had a huge cast iron bed of which sat 3-4 feet off the ground. But she didn’t make a sound after the fall. My mother is a victim of horrible parents as well. Her father is a semi truck driver who goes across the country everyday. He was never home longer than 2 days. Her mother was a raging alcoholic who was resentful of her kids and eventually divorced and put the kids in the system. My mother lived in the system with her sister and brother for years. They eventually were pulled by my mother aunt. I don’t know the full story but I’m pretty sure the aunt’s husband ******** abused my mother then the aunt out out the kids once finding out. She too now resented my mom and siblings. My mother wasn’t taken back out of the system until she was about 16 as her dad met a woman and they took the kids back in. My grandfather being the catholic man he is, wasn’t understanding at time which caused my uncle to run away at age 15. My mother has’t seen or heard from David Meyer since then. No one in the family has. My mother later met my father with the Grease toothbrush song in the back ground. Less than 2 months later, my mother was pregnant with my sister. My mother’s dad resented my father and has since. My mother left school and later returned to receive her GED when she was pregnant with me. My mother always got the short end of every stick she was dealt. Always stood by her kids and maintained a place to come home to when my father left. The only time my mother ever left my father was when I was a baby and my dad had me in his presence only to drop me off at grandmas and attempt to shoot himself in the head in the front lawn. Apparently I wasn’t good enough of a reason for him to still exist. My grandmother can be thanked for keeping him alive. My childhood went along the lines of this: Move to Geneseo, parents fighting consistently, my dog died, parents randomly move us to Annaway without any sort of mention, they gave my animals away, parents fought, Joshua became apart of the picture, my dad was the happiest man alive, parents fought, Alyssa became rebellious, parents fought, and fought, fought even more, parents moved us to Cedar Rapids Iowa, now only my parents are fighting with Alyssa, Alyssa is now the on to be leaving us and running away, parents fight again and father sends mom away so that he can too leave and forever disappear as I am mow the one begging for neither to leave, mother files for divorce, dad uses Josh against mom to make her come back as he know the law will grant my dad custody of my mom as he has a job and house, mom comes back, Alyssa become pregnant, still fighting, Alyssa disappears again, Alyssa becomes pregnant again, disappears, parents move us to Cambridge, still fighting, father becomes a narcissistic ******* to me, they bring Alyssa back into the picture, **** you Carissa, I now move out. There’s alot more trauma in there than I’ve mentioned but I’m not writing a book series. Let alone I have mentioned traume from my sister alone. Here to sum it up. I am born, Alyssa hates me, becomes aggressive with me, prays to God that I would disappear as she doesnt want me to exist anymore, resents me, shuns me from being her sister, snaps my polly pocket into two, pretends she didnt witness my cousin dropping cinder block on my foot in pool, tries to drown me in pool, knows my ear drum burst so is now screaming into my earas she hates me, twists my arm and throws **** at me and pushes me down and threatens me, bullied me at school, told me sh’d let someone kidnap me, pushed me off the bed, jump rope in tree, threw my toys away, stole my toys, gave my toys away, stole my ipod and sold it, told everyone at her high school that I was a *****, found her diary that included nasty words and a knife and more words wrote in blood, tried to light grandparents house on fire, tried to light truck on fire, sent guys to the house to hurt me, tried to jump me over a ******* phone. I’m sure theres more im not mentioning. But it all feels numb. I have no sister. I am currently living in Normal, Illinois with Brendan Lee Warfel and work at Blunier Builders. As of the upcoming week, we will be moving to Minonk, Illinois to our first house. We currently have our black lab Jack. Brendan and I have been together almost two years in October. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Joshua or meeting Brendan, I would have ****** myself years ago. My dog is dead. My old best friend is dead. My parents only love me at the moment because Alyssa is being an issue again. If I ever lose Brendan, I’ll probably fulfill my destiny. I have no friends. I have no family. I was a mistake in this world and my life has been endless trauma. I do not believe in god as if he was real and so great and mighty, he wouldnt have let everything happen to me. And if he is really and did let this all happen, then **** him. i’d rather burn in hell.