A letter from Jul 16, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Hi! Wow, you're 22 already. You were only 18 when you wrote this. How's life there? How it's going there? How are you? I couldn't imagine what a 22-year-old me would look like haha. Did you grow taller? Have you got your hair dyed again? I dyed my hair green this time. I bet you're grinning while reading this, not remembering what you wrote in this letter or you did not even remember writing this. What do we look like right now? I am genuinely curious hahaha. Did you get any piercings? I hope you look like one of those cool kids who have their hair dyed in bizarre colors, have a wolf-cut hairstyle, intimidating makeup, pretty eyeliners, and septum or lip piercings. Or not even close because of the dress code? Aww too bad. Where are you now? Do you still live in our house? We could be sitting in the same position right now, I am half-sitting and resting my back against the headboard of our bed in our very messy room listening to Maligayang Pagkunwari by mrld. Or did you move out? Are you in your tita's dorm? or did you move to another city (which I see is very impossible hahaha)? Anyway, I am in my last year of senior high as I write to you. I am graduating in two weeks. Kinda excited because I am graduating with high honors from the school you once dreamt to go. I wouldn't say it was fun. I never get the chance to study on campus because the pandemic happened. But you managed to pull those all-nighters. You managed to survive those hell weeks, pressuring class recitations, and tiring workloads. I am very proud of you. You did so well. You worked so hard. That's because you were trying to achieve something, or maybe just prove something to yourself. Although it was kinda late already, you're still in the process of enrollment in your college. You applied to 6 schools. You managed to get in but to UP. It's fine though, it wasn't your first choice. Although this sounds like good news, you cry every night for **** months. You got accepted into UST, the university where you wanted to spend the next 4-5 years of your life, in your first choice degree program. It was a roller coaster experience. Seeing your USTAR score passing felt like the guitar riff at the beginning of Robbers by The 1975. I was so happy I couldn't explain it in words. However, that happiness didn't last long. Your father did not want you to leave your small hometown in your little province because he was too worried about you so you got no choice but to let that dream slip away between your fingers. It was heart-wrenching. You cried many nights. You have tried to convince him multiple times but you eventually get tired because no matter how many times you asked, how many reasons you laid out, and how many tears you dropped, the answer will not change. I thought you accepted it because you stopped thinking about it for almost a month, but nope, you were just distracted and busy. You're still not over it. College enrollment was definitely your biggest heartbreak. Mind you, this happened in March yet you still cry over it in July. I couldn't believe my first heartbreak wouldn't be from a man or a woman but from a stupid unfulfilled dream. It was definitely heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine spending my next years at a university that's not even my choice. If you're suffering and unhappy right now, yeah it was my fault. You can blame me. I hate it too. How are you doing in there though? I bet you're already in dentistry proper by the time you're reading this or did you shift program? I was planning to transfer and shift to vetmed in UPLB after my first year there. Did you do it? I hope this time you get to choose what you really want. Was it hard? Your first two years in a course that you did not even consider taking before in an environment completely different from what you've always anticipated? You still have three years left (if you're still taking dentistry). I hope you're enjoying it somehow. I hope you learned to love it there even though it wasn't the one you wanted. How many times did you cry? I hope you find happiness in what you're doing because you're already there and you can't turn back time. Sorry if you're not happy. Sorry if you don't like there at all. Sorry. The universe doesn't seem to be on your side this time. Maybe in another lifetime, Cheska. Sorry. I hope you're still around when this letter got delivered. Take care. Sorry.