A letter from Jul 14, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Hi. I'm currently trying to find work. I am about to make my portfolio so that I can attract clients. I don't know how I will handle things with work the next few days, knowing I have a lot of tasks in line, but I badly need money. I can't sleep. I was so so sad it made me wish I was just hurt. It made me want to I can just cry my heart out. If I'm in pain, I can just cry. But because I'm just sad, all I can do is cherish the feeling. I can't move, talk, or do anything to entertain myself. Everything just doesn't make sense when I'm sad. Like tho I do not have anyone to save me, I can't save myself as well. Like I'm a mute little girl who's drowning and couldn't ask for help. But I ran into Tin's stories which made me hit her up. She has a job already, last time lang she's frustrated about finding one. I'm just so proud of her. I figured it's about time to get myself one, too. Maybe besides being sad, the reason why I'm still up is this, too. I actually hate that I'm starting to find sense in everything again. I hate that my vulnerability does make sense again. I don't want it, it invalidates how I feel. It invalidates my mornings. Anyway, I'm sorry if all I send you are sad stories. I don't and never think it will ever keep you going nor it would make you feel pressured the moment you remember these happenings. It's just that, I do not have anyone to tell these to. Since day 1, it's just been us. We mourn alone, right? But I do not wish the same for you. I hope you already have someone to be sad about things, too. That the statement "Loki, look, I'm blue, too" won't make you feel terrible anymore. I hope you have someone beside you right now. I hope you're happy. If not, it's okay, please don't feel pressured. Let's just wish the same to our future future me. Let's wish for it 'til we get it. Good night. : )