A letter from Apr 6th, 2022

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, It's me! Past you! i just wanted to give you a quick update about myself currently. im not really in a place i want to be. i still feel incredibly lonely and out of place. i stopped talking to Maryam, Olivia and Alizeh, i dont sit with them at lunch anymore, nothing. I basically have no friends right now. despite all of that, im still getting solid grades, tho im still **** with deadlines (thats Past-Us' fault not mine). exams are almost coming up and im honestly pretty stressed about them. i already know my planning skills are ****, so what if i dont study enough? or worse: what if i fail? Well anyways i suppose you already know the outcome so i wont bother you with my exsistential dread. currently, i have been clean from selfharm for a beautiful 2 months and 12 days!!! we will get there! we are gonna do and feel better! its gonna take a while before we fully feel better and like we belong, but i cant wait for that day. :) Also, i changed the strings on our guitar so hopefully we'll learn how to actually play soon. AND mom and dad said that once we have the money, they will get me a beginners bass!! ive been playing bass in music class and i really like it so i really just want to continue. (We went to a studio today to record a song and i played bass too it was really cool) I have been keeping a diary where i write about my day every day and its been going pretty solid! thats the one routine i can follow. Also, during this vacation im gonna be volunteering at the club. pretty darn cool if you ask me. Also also, im trying to be less "pushy" with myself when it comes to gender and *********. As you might remember, when we were 12/13 we identified as trans (transmasc specifically) and bisexual and that was it. then i identified as a nonbinary lesbian but it didnt feel right. so now i just keep it unlabeled. i know im not straight or cis, but i just cant quite find the right label. so, no labels for now. maybe youve found one now that ur older but me right now is confuzzeled. but yeah. i suppose everything might work out in the end. How about you? how are you doing? and hows the new school???? anything that thickens any plots? maybe friends? perhaps a LOVER??? id love to hear back from you, but for now, good luck and the most love ever!! CYA!! ur past, 15 year old self <3

Epilogue

3 months later

Hi past me! I just wanted to give you an update as to where im at. Im not doing too good, i dont really like my study and i had...

I but them eputs kniht idnserf i. I oiavli zeailh lakt gdal i do mi maarym d(an to kalt ondt t)hat lstli tbu sltnoeyh to ro utabo mrenaoy. Adn lsoa i wokr to onlzoer, addiv aebcme ael, nda lrsoec lto mfro a. A ew nahg wrok frtea out lto. Rhoguht tif am tgo stlli ll)a e(vne czu iths nto bmo me dan illst irsft in want i retsessd eyra btu all ot ta we hte ruo tho uetdsis tshi iwht ta letas esod hwsitc i deaidseln neo imte im. I i os i trssse dna ot lsee icbth a ohw sesdrest but elryal i nwko bcka eebn eselrea sutj hatt feil ,ghfmeslainr otnd to asthe ttah am wonk nad is aehv em htnlusod i. Nobelg i i nitkh leef i nepahp gynleeniu me just rof dan hweranye, otnw jtsu tslil leki ntdo ttah. Tath radiy ontd eytlmcopel lsitl i dnto tshi llsti i am adh i a nokw i a owh i trelet ltnui itgu,ra tofrgo lslit ehva bass, i i aylp tacn nad dare. Korsw den yelarl inteyvhger tou eth ehpo i in.
Yeha but. Ot rlealy tihscw i( czu ot to a ym awtn if htta nctiueon toayd nac im btteer edtisus tkal dna i ignog see e)hre acn ot itfs hsmnietog ndto tib oehp i sotdusiradvy nfdi i. Fstir tgyrin is tlo i ot eht new mi ayer a wrsoe nda si efel d2n socohl ahtn gityherenv nrigti nca ,oogd oltnyshe. Dkian i ym nuf eht leki tjus duyts erlyal liek alrlye tno lleray i do its prttye thelnosy utb do pni,tehisrn. Oltp lyno csnie leyalr innnhedt ahs roewt hte uyo. Tndo stuj i nad vrloe hrarde gtgntie rdhaer a yevearyd si stlli nda aveh.
Ifdn i to next yrev ruoy ihts ophe etsb apcel shiw teh see in ilne the i yuo lukc of nad.
R,eve lvoe the smto.
Ld)o lfse <3 tpt/rfausue eyra yuor 61(.
()23080922//.