A letter from Jun 30, 2022

To my lifelong companion, dearest confidante, soul, blood, and body. Thank you, from every insignificant atomic molecule in my being, truly, thank you. For all the times I’ve cried, not once have you not picked me up and given me the strength to try again. For all the times I fell desperately ill, not once did you not fight for my recovery. For all the times I hated you, resented you, avoided you, not once did you falter to smile in front of others. I have wronged you my love and for that, I am so sorry. I should have defended you when you were weak and frail yet I pounded into your immaturity, demolishing your childhood believing it was an opportunity to grow, to ripen, and perfect. During hard times, I, the person who knew you the most, withholding possession to all your secrets and all your promises, did not have the confidence to love you. I am so sorry. We both know that it is too late to regret. You have already bloomed and blossomed into a woman we both knew you’d eventually become. I will always be here of course, trying to heal and I will for you, because you and the inner child I hurt both deserve it. Do not blame yourself for what I have brought upon you, my dear. We were kids after all. The kids who made mistakes, the kids who had unhinged decisions, and the kids who would say rash things to defend themselves from pain. Our actions were undoubtedly a part of our resistance towards maturity. It was your coping mechanism as it was mine. I hope you still glow wherever you set your feet upon, I hope that your laughter is still the loudest echo in the room and I hope your eyes still glisten with determination when you convince yourself in the mirror that you are capable enough to do something. I pray that every day you embrace yourself instead of trying to change. You are sublime, Ray. You are worthy, precious, and much more than enough. And so here’s to you who stuck with me, wept with me, laughed with me, thank you. Thank you for trying, for struggling, for striving, and for finally loving me, a little more, every day. Here’s to us, my love. Yours eternally, Ray