A letter from Jun 07, 2022

Dear Future Me, How are you? Right now I have just been devastated by the fact that I had the worst grade in my first year. I think you would remember this because it has made a mark to me even after just minutes of seeing it. I had a 3.0 on my CSIT112 course, a grade just a point above failing. I entered this University with an optimistic attitude, having just received high honors in my Senior year of high school which basically put me at the top of my strand in ITCP. With only two semesters in, the realization has clearly dawned upon me that I chose the hardest part of University in the hardest school with the strictest teachers. I don't know if you remember, I am writing this at 12:28 AM because I had no one to talk to about this. I am very distressed. With all the problems I had the whole 3 years that this pandemic has ravaged the world, our family's stall, land, and responsibilities. The expectations that I carry became heavier as it became apparent that I am to shoulder the responsibilities of my parents. I truly hope that you pushed through, maybe a less distracting setting has allowed you to have decent grades. I truly hope-- and crossing my fingers-- that you have pushed through the whole four years, it doesn't matter if you finished with Latin honors or not. We need that diploma and we need that job. Please tell me that all those mental breakdowns and anxiety attacks that I have been keeping from everyone is all worth it. Because today, I feel like I am going to burst into tears. I don't know how to explain to my mother and to my family who put in such high regards. I am taking this degree program for them I was told that I could not afford to be selfish. I had bigger yet unattainable dreams I set aside for a practical one. Remember when you used to dream of becoming a theatre actor? or when you wanted to be a voice actor? I honestly feel like-- from their words-- that I am to be blamed for all the missed opportunities they had. Because they had me, and because of that I need to make up for everything. Please be well, please be in a good place. Whether it be in a posthumous realm or in a better and safer environment. Please, I beg you, tell me it worked out well for us. sincerely yours, past you