A letter from Jun 02, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Hi! How are you? You probably don’t remember me very well, but I’m May 27th, 2022 you! By the way, it's your sister’s 17th birthday today. She still gets up early for the barn so I didn’t see her this morning and honestly I don't want to see her this evening. Mom showed us photos of Paydan sleeping at 1:30 am, and she told us the story of how one time she made us get back in bed because we were already awake at 8:33 am. By the way, did you know Paydan was born at 5:33 am? I have to map out her star chart now. You just put in your airpods and “Matilda” by Harry Styles was the first song to play on shuffle. It feels like a callout and you have seen too many tik tok analyses of this song that felt too accurate to yourself. You have also started to write poetry and post it on tiktok. It's going okay, no one has commented on your posts yet so you wonder how well it’s really going. Its really stupid how much you place value on comments on your posts, but it’s still nice to get them. I don’t know, it's the validation of strangers not seeing your face but seeing your art and liking it enough to verbalize their relation to it. You are starting to look more into Phoebe Bridgers and Gracie Abrams. Jadyn LOVED Gracie Abrams. Do you remember Jadyn? We met over tik tok when Reagan found their video that says “A funny marvel and taylor swift stan: I want a gf” and Jadyn lip synched to the audio of the sped up Bruno Mars song that says “If you want it, girl come and get it, ALL THIS IS HERE FOR YOUUUUU” and tagged me and we followed each other and then later started talking after I tagged them in a few videos. They live in California, remember? Their pfp is still that painting of Gwen Stacy. Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I hadn’t chickened out and blocked them on everything. The saddest part is that she never blocked me. Every time I got selfish and unblocked her to snoop on her profile, praying for a notification that they dm’ed me and I had an opportunity to fake like I got my phone taken away and apologize for it. It's been a few months now, and every once in a while I think of them and nearly drown in my guilt. She posted a tiktok shortly after I ghosted her that said “She was my first love, I’d like to remember it that way. I don't know if that’s actually true though. I think I just grew too used to her being around.”and I think it was about me and that ******* breaks my heart. Who knows, maybe I will reach back out to her. I don’t think I will though. Anyways, how are you? If you’re reading this you obviously didn’t commit. Are we going to college? Where? Do we have more friends? Are we still friends with Reagan and Mya? What about Olivia and Holden? Did we graduate high school with honors? Do we still like Marvel? Have we had a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner yet? Are we still bisexual and a girl? What does your hair look like? Did we ever get officially diagnosed with ADHD and depression and autism and anxiety? What about our mental health? Do we still live with mom and dad? Are we going to live at college? What is our music taste like? Do we still love Taylor Swift? Did we ever get to go to one of her concerts? Ooooo, do we still work at The River Social? Are we a server yet or still a hostess/busser. Are we still fencing? Did we ever get Sawyer’s number or snapchat? Did we ever date Sawyer???? When you get this, it will be your birthday. Do we still hate our birthday? Did you cry the night before? It's okay if you did, I probably will for my 15th birthday. I’m rambling. Anyways, I will see you whenever you read this! Please remember I love you, you are worthy of love, and don’t you ever forget that. Bye!!!