A letter from Jun 2nd, 2022

Dear FutureMe, TODAY I AM TIRED AND AIMLESS, I HAVE BEEN CHEATED AND TRAUMATIZED BUT EVERYDAY I STILL WANT TO THANK THE LORD JESUS FOR BEING THE REASON WHY I AM STILL WAKING UP AND SURVIVING EACH DAY. I WAS LISTENING TO THE SONG "I STILL TALK TO JESUS" BY LANY EARLY THIS MORNING AND IT HITS ME REALLY HARD, SO HARD THAT I WANT TO CRY. HOWEVER, I AM WRITING THIS TO THE FUTURE ME, SO THAT I WILL KNOW THAT THIS MOMENT MAYBE I CAN CONSIDERED IT AS THE DOWNFALL ERA OF MY LIFE, I HAVE A HIGH PAYING JOB COMPARE TO THE REGULAR EMPLOYEE YET I DO NOT HAVE SAVINGS AND STILL LACKING AND I FEEL EMPTY, I HAVE A PARTNER BUT CHEATING BECAME A HOBBY AND IT DESTROYS ME COMPLETELY NOW I HAVE ANXIETY AND CANNOT GIVE MYSELF A PEACEFUL NIGHTS , I HAVE FAMILY THAT IS SO ACCEPTING YET I CANT GO HOME AND MOST ESPECIALLY I HAVE MY FRIENDS THAT MISSED ME AND TRULY LOVES ME YET I AM AFRAID TO MEET THEM BECAUSE I'VE CHANGED FOR THE WORSE, I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG IN ME, WHY I AM FEELING LIKE THIS ANYHOW I DO NOT HAVE THE COURAGE TO ESCAPE. I WILL LOOK BACK AT THIS MEMORIES AFTER SO MANY YEARS IN MY SUCCESSFUL TIMES, THERE ARE MOMENTS IN MY LIFE THAT I AM SO DOWN, BROKEN AND DEVASTATED YET I AM SMILING AND YES THE OLD ME WILL KEEP MY FEET ON THE SOLID GROUND AND MY HEART WILL BE FULL OF GRATITUDE BECAUSE I AM HAPPY AND FELT TRULY AND FULLY ALIVE. ONCE AGAIN, MY STRUGGLES TODAY WILL BE THE REASON WHY I AM PROGRESSIVELY GROWING! I AM ALWAYS ONE STEP CLOSER TO MY BLURRY VICTORY, NOT SO CRYSTAL CLEAR BUT I AM STILL HOPING THAT THERE WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER DAYS. I AM EXCITED TO MEET THE NEW ME! FIGHTING!