A letter from May 26th, 2022

Dear Future Me, It’s been another year :) congrats for surviving this long. You must have a job by now, huh? No pressure if you don’t, I’m sure there are many reasons why my life has taken a different path than the one I’m currently on. Regardless, I think I’m gonna get my first letter next year, so I’m excited to see what changes I’ve gone through. It’s funny having this vague idea of who I was freshman year to see what’s going on now as a junior. So put on some nostalgia tunes (something like “All U Wanna Do is Dance”, Lunar Vacation, Raveena, MICHELLE and others) and get comfortable. There’s a lot to talk about. It’s been pretty eventful recently, so I’ll catch up with what’s been going on. I finished Hearstopper recently and have been rewatching clips from it. It’s so cute! Charlie is so cute—though it really makes me question what kind of guy I want to end up with. I’ve also been trying to reconcile that maybe I am not hideous as I think I am and that I am lovable just as I am, so that I don’t “this will never be me” the show. In other news, I’m moving to Chicago in less than a week for my internship with Deloitte! Hopefully that’s a good experience—a life-changing one, even. I want to learn so much about myself and see how I function alone for once. This school year has been really trying to balance work life with having fun. I’ve spent so much time with A minor the past year, and it’s been so rewarding. I feel so lucky to have found these people and sing with them. It makes me happy to see and feel our friendships blossom alongside our sound—especially coming off of an ICCA year. I’ve especially spent a lot of time with Anna, Rachel, and Jon. We’ve even found time to have the long “give me your life story” convo with Anna and Dan, which I am so grateful for. Sharing laughs with Gabi, Tommy, Trinity—essentially everyone has made this year bearable. It’s also helped me start finally feeling better about having male friends AND male queer friends (Josh, Dylawnie, Tomaso come to mind). Some healthy developments :) Having this year fully back in person has been different, for sure. There’s definitely a great sense of loss from COVID. We still had to stay masked up for the most part, but seeing people, and being with them in person, has really changed the game. Parties are back! Being a high menace, drinking, etc. I turned 21 this year, but my birthday was kind of overshadowed by having COVID, so the “going out” phase of my life hasn’t really passed. Acapella is fun :) OH the Chordials drama? Remember that? It’s been annoying lol. In terms of my relationships, LK and I are still really close. I know I’ve mentioned Ben at least once each letter, but we’ve basically stopped talking and LK is coming around to acknowledging he’s a bad friend lmao. Nora is great, too, but it’s been mostly A minor tbh. I’ve also had a long-term crush on a violinist, Vincent, though. Despite knowing he would definitely not be a good boyfriend, I have been stuck feeling this way. Fortunately, I’m happy to say that I think my relationship with the dating world has improved. It’s much less about the self-hate now, and I’m trying to be accepting of my feelings. I have also begrudgingly accepted how subby and bottom-y I am. Which…I can’t do anything about so. I guess there it is. I hope you’ve been getting really good massages ;). Everything, Everywhere, All at Once has been on my mind a lot, alongside Heartstopper. Trav also just told me that he’s been questioning his ********* recently which is…interesting (any new developments future self?). You better be out to mom and dad by the time you get this letter by the way. There’s no way they don’t know. In terms of senior year, I don’t think I’m as worried as I should be? I guess it hasn’t really settled in. This really is my last year to be a college student and that sounds literally insane to me. I’ve been talking future stuff with my friends (high school and college) and there’s just so much doubt going around. Even though I have a pretty clear path of where I want to go and end up, it still feels so variable. And…I feel like I’m about to lose everything that makes me feel like me, but I guess I’ll see how the internship and Chicago feel. Working corporate and moving away just would destroy my image of myself I think. Moving out could really mean never coming back again. And…that is crazy to think about. God, this is corny, but writing a letter to your future self is kind of corny in its own way. I hope you are content with where you are, or, at least, building towards that happiness. Have you sought therapy? You should talk about the *** stuff that has altered your life and maybe the relationship stuff? Also, a touch of daddy issues a little bit. I learned this year I REALLY like being called “good boy” so that was interesting. Thanks, Colin! LMAO okay so I’ve been reading about what kind of stuff I should include in this letter, and I think we should take a moment to be appreciative of what I have right now that…maybe you don’t have. I think the big ones are family and friends. More specifically, everyone is still, for the most part, around home. I see mom and dad everyday, Trav is here most days, and Tricia is here most weekends. Trish and I have drifted quite far apart—the relationship is weird now, but idk. I hope it’s better in a few years. Trav is worried that I’m gonna ditch the family once I graduate, secure a job, and move. A part of me really wants to get out of here. Being home is stifling. I don’t want to be held back by guilt, but they’re my family. Agh it’s confusing I’m also gonna really miss having lazy college days and breaks for myself and friends. It’s crazy that that just ends. You better have overthrown modern capitalism by the time I read this again ! >:(. I hear not seeing your friends everyday is its own kind of taxing loneliness, and I guess that’s a huge part of my fear about moving to the city, but also just living as an adult in general. Where do people make friends after school? How fares the fitness journey, too btw? PLEASE tell me I’m one of those really hot nightrunners. Knowing me…probably not LOL but hey! I hope I tried. I hope piano is still part of your life, even if it’s to a smaller degree. I hope you’ve found places to sing with others and be yourself. How’s the music side of your life? I hope you’ve been listening to really hot, indie music and look back at everything I’ve written with pride. I hope you are confident enough to say that things have gotten better. I know I’ll look back on these times fondly. Worries I have now will just melt into whatever happens. This is the true test of the “Everything will work out fine” theory which I felt was tested this year. And… good news! Everything worked out fine :). While it’s true there’s no boyfriend, no 4.0, or clear happy future job, I’m still breathing. I’m still alive. I’m still experiencing. Plus, I’ve got so much that I love and am thankful for, which I hope you’ve expanded on. That’s about it for now! This is a fun late spring tradition, I can’t wait to start receiving these. Life is so unimaginably hard. Remember me as just YOU minus a few years of extra experience—I hope those experiences have been fulfilling and helped you grow to be a better person. I hope you love harder than I have and smile brighter than ever. Let those tears fall. Let those songs wash over you. Every emotion, every conflict, every person you come in contact with is just another opportunity to live. Live full, live free. Put your phone down. Tell someone something nice. The world can be, no, IS a beautiful place, ya know? I love you. Best of luck out there, handsome. With all the love I can put in English letters, Tristan Wong