A letter from May 15th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, hey zubeda. this is you exactly one year ago. id hope youre still alive lol inshaAllah. ok i have several things i wanna address. lets start, shall we? so i feel like ive gotten closer to my religion lately. im actually consistent with my prayers and remembrance of Allah. which is something id never thought id achieve this early in life, alhamdulillah. this years ramadan changeed me for the better. i had that intention to change. Allah guided me to the right path, and that i will be forever grateful. ive got to say, this has to be the worst year of my life, besides 2015(for obvious reasons). ive never been this depressed and lonely most of the times i just feel like crying. as im typing this too im also getting emotional. i started having thoughts of just dying. and ik ik i shouldnt be thinking that but times are hard for me mentally. im so sick of school, this stupid diploma. by the time your reading this im expecting you should be done with it, hopefully. i hate tjis course so much. i hate it i hate it i hate this i DESPISE THIS I JUST WANT TO BE DONEEEEE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE JUST FREE ME FROM THIS TORMENT I HAVE TO ENDURE EVERY SINGLE ******* DAYYYY IM SO ********* EXHAUSTEDDD!!!!!!!!!!! i swear ive never hated something like this in my whole entire life. and you know what blows my mind even more... i chose this for myself. no one forced me. absolutely no one. i did this to myself. i had no idea what i was getting my self into. 0 expactations. nothing. i started so gullible. little did i know, hmm, little did i knowww. anyways i just hope i finish successfully inshaAllah. i hope by the time your reading this youll atleast have one friend you loser. come on. youre capable of atleast one friend now are you?just do that for me. one friend you can rely on is all i ask. knowing you youre probably laughing rn as your reading this. youre probably thinking this ***** really thinks i have friends lmaoo. but imma trust you in this one. dont let me down. uh thats all the energy i have for rn. i just plaited my hair today so my head hurts. plus i havent eaten anything today im starving. but ill buy fries tomorrow. ok now im serios, byee. hang in there kiddo :) love you, zu.