Hey Alex, Happy Birthday!

Dear FutureMe, I'm surprised you've actually opened up this email seeing as it was in your junk mail folder. But you do these things because you’re a loser and have no better way to waist your time. Happy Birthday by the way. Your 17 now. I hope you’ve had a boyfriend since that whole Shayne incident. Let me refresh your memory: Shayne: "So do you like me or not?" Alex: "Yah I guess I do" Shayne: "You guess? :P" Alex: "Why do you care if I like you?" Shayne: "I dunno......It's just nice to know, you know? Like wouldn't you want to know for sure if I liked you or not?" - We talk about something else- Alex: "Well are you gonna do anything about me liking you?" Shayne: "I don't think so.. sorry" - Alex bashes head against keys- That was copied straight from your website. I hope you still have that thing. Did you actually save up enough of your Wendy’s money to go to Europe this summer? If you did I hope you had some good times. If you didn’t then I hope your saving up for when you graduate. You’ve probably haven’t thought about what you want to be when you “grow up”, I couldn’t suggest anything since I don’t know myself. But please don’t go into any computer crap or waist your life doing something you hate. Did you lose that 40lb? Did you cut your hair short and dye it black? Are you still a virgin? If your still fat, this is where I tell you its time to go anorexic. I hope you didn’t cut your hair and dye it black if you were fat because that is just ugly. And If you did lose your virginity I hope it was to someone you truly loved and have no regrets. If you didn’t life isn’t about skanking around anyway. Is Katie still your best friend? Is Angela still a slut? Did Emily finally open up to you? I hope you’ve found a new job. Because still working at Wendy’s would be a very sad story. Remember never to fall for guys at work. Did you finish your community service hours? Because at this point its too late. Remember they’re due sometime in march. I hope you have an awesome year. Hopefully you’ve changed, become a better person, stop following the trends and became your own leader. Love, your 16 year-old self