A letter from Jan 13th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, the past years have been a rollercoaster of emotion for you. at the age of 12 you felt different. you found out you were bisexual at the time. entering highschool was fine for you. until the real work started. but my god you kept holding on so strong. you experienced severe depression, anxiety, undiagnosed autism, trichotillomania and you really doubted yourself. tests werent a thing for you. you always expected a bad grade. i am 14 years old now. still struggling with depression. it is a hard battle. feels like a party of people in my head telling me what to do. i have never felt so lonely before. in november 2021 you dropped your old friends. 12 years of friendship to waste. it was hard for you. definitely something that send you into that deep dark hole again. but they did you wrong and that is okay. the negative thing about is it that you kept seeing that at school. everywhere. in the hallways, toilets or in class. at the time you were insecure about yourself. you hated your body. you had stopped eating lunch and ate very little for breakfast. you told yourself to do 15 situps everytime you saw them. guess what? it was extremely unhealthy. you hated eating. especially infront of others. it made you think you were fat. “are you eating again?” you got rejected by many specialists because you werent ‘bad enough’ or havent tried ******* yourself yet. its crazy how the world works. you were extremely stressed during highschool. you felt a weird type of pressure for all those years. you now identify as polysexual. you use they/she pronouns and you are questioning genderfluid/ non binary. i hope youve figured yourself out. you deserve the world. did you get diagnosed? do you really have autism? your therapist recognised autism symptoms during a session. and did you get diagnosed with trichotillomania? do you have any help for it? still pulling? harming? remember that whatever comes onto your path now that youre an adult, you can do it. youve been through so many dark holes. you have fought through all of those dark times. the ups and downs. and dont ever question suicide. it wont help. it wont do anything. you can do it futureme. and if you ever doubt yourself again, think of child you. the 14 year old unhealthy kid. mental issues to the top. divorced parents, harming and hurting. think of the old you. you fought through that you without anyone knowing. you kept it to yourself. and of course you looked sad. but nobody knew you had depression. you can do it <3 believe in yourself. -you but 3.5 years younger.