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violet taught me something important.
after everything gets torn apart it takes a lot to pull everything back together. tiny things like teacups, and apple pie are the stitching me back. everything feels temporary. I'm not yet past the wave break, floating between one swell, and another. I talked to nana today. I told her I missed her and that we should have tea together as the days get colder. its painful to know that when I come out to her she most likely will stop talking to me. at best things will be strained, and our relationship will be a mere fraction of what it was before, at worst she will act as she acted to aunty and cut me off completely.
im seeing t on Friday. we are taking Amtrak up to Seattle, and im meeting him at the station.
I hope I can see T.E soon.
she means everything to me, and if I see her in person maybe I can tell her how I feel.