A letter from Nov 20th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, last prelims someone left you and broke your heart, but then someone came and made you happy again. pero hindi sang-ayon ang tadhana sa inyo, oo naging gusto ka niya pero hindi rin nag-tagal dahil ng mga panahong yun mahal niya pa rin yung ex niya. Kahit ganun mabait na tao ang lalaking yun, hindi lang talaga para sa inyo ang isa't isa. Pero kahit ganun hindi ka sumuko, you did everything para lang piliin ka niya. Oo tanggap mo na hanggang magkaibigan lang kayo pero gusto mo munang lumaban bago sumuko ddahi ayaw mong magsisi sa huli na hindi mo ginawa ang best mo. first day ng prelims exam niyo and umagang umaga yun and naisipan mo na i-motivate siya by sending him a long message before ng exam and you know what he really appreciate it. ang saya niya nun kasi nun lang may gumawa sa kanya nun, at syempre kung masaya siya double ang balik sayo nun. that whole week, every morning and everytime na tapos na ang exam niyo you send him a long message to motivate him. Then one time, nabalitaan mo na nagkasakit siya pero dahil ang dami niyong dapat tapusin nun kahit nilalagnat siya tuloy pa rin siyang gumagawa. Nung nakita mo yung lagay niya, pinagsabihan mo muna siyang magpahinga and tama na muna, gladly nakinig naman siya sayo. hindi ka maka-tulog that night and alam mo kung ano feeling nun kasi nilalagnat ka rin that time, so kinausap mo yung isang friend niya na bilan siya ng fruits, buti na lang may online seller nun na malapit sa kanila kaya naman kinausap niyo yung seller na kung pwede sila na rin mag deliver nun. pumayag naman yung seller. last day of prelims, nun yung araw na idedeliver yung fuits and nalaman mo rin na gusto niya ang buko pie saktong-sakto kasi meron ding tinda yung seller. At oo gastos mo lahat yun, but that time wala kang pake kasi para yun sa taong gusto mo. bago yung last exam as usual you send him a long message tapos sa dulo nun sabi mo after exam ittreat mo siya ng miryenda. naguluhan siya that time pero gora lang. bago mag-simula yung exam nag-message pa si seller na mag-dedeliver na sila, sakto rin nun na pagkatapos ng exam nagtanong na si seller ng direksyon ng house niyo. nung nasa labas na ng bahay niyo yung seller, yung mama mo pa ang pinakuha mo kasi nahihiya kang kunin. natatanddaan ko pa na kinikilig yung seller nun haha. ang saya at the same time nakaka-kaba kasi baka hindi mo magustohan. hindi muna siya nakapag-chat nun kasi speechless pa rin siya. then after 1 hour or 2 nag-chat na siya sayo. and eto ang sabi niya. "hello edlyn, I wanna start this message by saying thank you, sobrang nag papasalamat ako for all your efforts especially for this food, ngayon kulang ito naranasan sa tala ng buhay ko I really appreciate these but then i don’t wanna cause anything that will cause you inconvenience, hanggat maari alam mong ayokong may masaktan lalo na ikaw, so please let me just clear everything about us, about this matter i already told you what you mean to me, and still it will remain like that whatever happened & whatever you do. i appreciate you as a friend and i think that’s the only appreciation i can give. i want you to stop because i knew deep down my heart this is not what you deserve, our feelings to each other is not mutual, and because of that i can’t give you the same energy & efforts that you already gave to me profusely. i don’t wanna cause any distress because the stress we have in all of our school activities is already enough. please know that someday you will finally find someone who will treat you the same way you want to be treated, you will find someone who can give the same effort that you can possibly give. i know after this it will be so painful but then i also know that this can help us to finally step forward and live our best lives. and now, right now, as I type these words, i hope peace comes at a cost to me & the both of us. merci, for everything. i hope that one day we will be able to put a grin on our faces as we cross the street." siguro etong message na rin nato yung naging wake up call mo para tumigil. after niyan naging smooth naman usapan niyo. and it ended well. pero sobra kang nasasaktan niyan. gusto mo munang huminto sa ginagawa mo pero hindi pweede kasi may due data kang hinahabol. kaya after nun sabi mo tatapusin mo muna ang dapat mong tapusin bago ka mag-papahinga. or siguro excuse mo lang yun para hindi mo maisip yung sakit. the following month you were a mess, u were lost again. one year later, gusto kong tanungin sayo. are you still lost? may tao na bang nag-mamahal sayo? naka-move on ka na rin ba sa taong nang-iwan sayo? please hang on there kayanin mo pa rin please? kahit osbrang hirap na wag ka munang susuko. mahal na mahal kita kahit sobrang harsh ko sayo.