The Future

Dear FutureMe, God damn it. You just wrote a great paragraph to start this letter out with and it got deleted. Look, it went kind of like this. Jesse told you, after he gave you permission to have dinner with Andy, that if you had a romantic dinner with another man, you'd hope he was hot. You have no desire for anyone else and Jesse is the first person to really make you feel that way. You thought you had problems being friends with men. All that changed. You went to Cartier and you didn't tell anyone and even thinking about posting this letter a year from now and having people know this makes you nervous. You went to see a ring, a ring that you thought you wanted to get Jesse as a wedding ring, with a padlock design. Your finger prints got all over it when the woman pulled it out of the fancy black drawer. It was $2500 and the most expensive thing you seriously considered buying anyone, not the mention the first wedding ring you ever considered buying. You love Jesse so much. You are "retarded for him." In spite of your differences, you work through everything and your love for one another is your common ground. You have pinky sworn to never give up. In spite of the fact that he once threw open the car door, got down on his knees, and told you that he would marry you that instant, you are afraid that how serious you are about your relationship will scare him away. Your are stressed about the next semester. Even though after that you will be in your fourth year of college, you can't get everything in your head organized to where you know when you will graduate. You can't believe it's almost all over and you can't wait to have a career. You want to do your internship at the Atlanta Feminist Health Center. You want to work with sexual health and adolescents. You feel that this what you are meant to do. You fucked someone that was hot, but then ended up dressing like a penis at a frat party. I am glad those days are over. I hope by the time you get this, those days really are over. You told everyone that your birthday is in a month today. You are so excited! You have plans to go to the square in Decatur and get retarded drunk. You hope someone will be your keeper and see you home safely. You want to finally be able to stop worrying about other people. Someone needs to worry about you. I hope you continue your love fest with Jesse. I hope you have an amazing 21st. I better know when you're going to fucking graduate by the time you get this! I hope you have so many more crazy parties. I imagine you will still be living with Danielle. I hope she has loosend up. Today she told you she wouldn't take a letter with Trish downstairs to the mailbox because she doesn't like that mailbox. WHO SAYS THAT? I hope Dad is all healed up by now. I hope you took a couple road trips and made to Michigan. You love that state so much it's stupid! I know you love Binders, but working and going to school is making you miserable and is just about impossible. I hope you found a solution. Your studies are so important. I know it's hard to think about because you do need money, but I hope you manage to realize just how important they are.