A letter from Jul 27th, 2021

dear future reagan, it’s me the younger you, it’s currently 5:48am on july 27 2021. i just finished reading punk 57, you should reread it. i thought that i should write a letter and think about sometimes i want answers to. maybe it’s because i’m young and dumb but i hope inside of you, you still remember this. high school has been hard for us. extremely hard. so maybe i should just start asking the questions instead of talking cause we both know this would be pages long if i just talked. how did we end up? are we okay? are you okay? i remember us crying at night and silently praying for everything to be okay, hoping that our life would change. your probably wondering why i’m talking about us well me like it’s someone else writing this letter. but i guess it is someone else, the younger you. i’m hoping that this thing actually sends to you. i wish to know a lot. if we ended up going to the military or going to college and getting our life together. i wanted to make sure we made it out okay. that we finally got the peace of mind to stop worrying all the time. i want to write about the boyfriends we had and the ex’s to see if we actually dumped them or not. hell who knows maybe we ended up realizing we like women, probably not tho. i sit her tonight writing you this for comfort. to have something to look bad on and pray we’re okay. to pray we’re still alive to reread this. i want to leave tonight. pack my bags and fly away. hoping we finally got out. that i’m truly happy, i don’t know how far in time i’m gonna set this back to send. maybe while we’re in or 20’s definitely before 25. so know i guess i should talk and remind you of things. i read punk 57 tonight and realize that i put on a front for others sometimes. trying to be someone i’m not, praying that i’ll be come the girl younger me wanted to be. i cant tell you what it feels like anymore to be numb sometimes to sit here at night wondering where things went wrong. hoping that everything will change, but i know it won’t people will still be the same and so will i. the truth is i don’t think i’ll ever change i’ll still be just as sad and broken as always. i cried tonight for the first time in a long time had a full break down. i wanted to call someone but realized it was to late for that and no on would listen. i prayed tonight to have somethings answered but i doubt they got answered. i want us to realize high school wasnt terrible, it was full of heartbreak and memories. i hope will filled that senior year box full of memories, happy ones. not the fake ones we use sometimes, i hope now we can actually smile in photos taken by other people and not think we look terrible smiling that we are confident in it. i hope we found someone who loves us for who we are. finally being our true selves. i hope easton is just as adorable as he was when we first met him. probably being a lil ****. i hope we still keep in contact with some people from high school the ones who matter. i’m wishing for a lot but i have high hopes for us. i want everything to be like we wanted it to be. maybe we got our high school book romance type of love, you know the bad boy who only loves you. i hope you still love the books i did. i don’t want us to change much in the furniture i just want us to be happy. i want me to be happy, i don’t want to spend the rest of my nights crying my eyes out anymore. i can feeling myself drowning again trying to stay above. maybe we did, and if we did, i’m so proud of us. but i want you to look back on this life and promise to never let someone live like we did, with everyday passing by like a dream. i hope we finally got drunk and went to party. having the time of our lives. i hope we still love reading and maybe even became a lawyer or worked for the fbi, never wanting to work a 9 to 5 sitting at a desk with a mini van about to pick up our 3 kids from school. maybe we even got the mustang or the miata we always wanted. i wish i could send pictures on this so you could see how much we changed. i wanted to know everything about you. but i guess i’ll have to wait until then, thinking about the reality of this all, maybe when i hit send it’ll pop up on your phone 4 years from now and you answering these questions. but i’ll have to wait and see only dreaming about what our life will be. but until then i wait. until then 17 year old reagan.