A letter from Jun 2nd, 2021

i dont know if you use this mail still but.. hi alara! so you should be in your secondish year of university while reading this.. i hope ur in somewhere good. right now you are in the lowest point of your life, if you mumbled “right now is even worse” then... ****! also, happy early 21st birthday!! i know you dont value your birthday much, but i love you and i want you to be okay.. there is a lot going on in my mind. i cant focus, i cant laugh, i cant sleep or sometimes even eat. maybe i needed help? what do you think? do i? you are not alone, im pretty sure. you are sociable person if people give you a chance. i know you valued many people in your life. so what about now? im studying for america, leaving my country behind. is your university in america? are you having the american dream? i know thats ********. i know you just wanted to run away and you probably felt so lonely because its only you now. but listen: it was always only you. you did this all by yourself okay? i trust you.. i will be happy one day and i hope that you already fulfilled that. hows mom and dad? hows my brother? did they accept you for who you are or did you really decide not to tell them forever? you love alara.. thats all you do. no one can tell you youre sick or a sinner just because you love! btw.. if youre not in america and got stuck in your own country.. i hope youre well, just get help already will you? if you need to, and this “feeling” that im feeling is still not gone: go to a therapist. maybe you need antidepressants or some ****. i dont know tho it might be my hormones overloading since im 17. anyways our dog died right? she is really sick right now.. i can imagine how much youve cried. our cat? her too? do you still talk with beyza.. or sıla? or berrin? any of your past friends? did they leave you too? not to worry. jeez ur old now. ******* 21.. youve gone this far. why give up now? im fighting. you are fighting. find the small things in life to appreciate.. im so sorry okay? whatever ****** stuff that youve gone through in these 5 years.. im sorry. but never give up! never never never! you are so strong.. so so so strong. accept yourself as you. and um.. i never say this but im so proud of you. i love you alara <3 have a great life for me