A letter from Jun 2nd, 2021

Dear futureMe... So this is past me.. 4 years back.... How are you? I hope you are in a good place as you wished to be. I want you to be healthy and happy as you wished. Are you? If you are, I'm so happy that you are in a much better place. If not, you will catch up and will mend things. Life is so beautiful. There is something super beautiful when you write something for your future self. I will never let you down too bad. I hope I didn't let you down too low.. I hope so! And I hope you are still using this gmail account. haha are you? So, you are 25 now... which is such a beautiful age. Enjoy it to the fullest and live and love and laugh hard. Never give up. Life is soo beautiful. I know it sounds cliched and I don't know what mood you are in now. So, whatever life situations wear you down.. just read this down below so you would know how much better things are now for you. So, I got beaten very badly. Bruises everywhere. Both dad and brother beat me down and mom supported it. I truly feel so alone. Nobody has my back. I constantly feel like I should want to love somebody. I have so much insecurity, self esteem issues. I keep reading all these instagram quotes and pictures and stuff hoping it will better me and make me feel good. Help me but no, it doesn't seem to feel like that at all. I have no grades now, I just started preparing for my exams and I wasted so much of my time chatting up with internet guy named zaid and it honestly feel so bad. I wasted nearly 7 months being a hooker girl to him, showing my **** and stuff for his masturbation. I also am at the heaviest i hope. 64 kgs around. I feel fat, ugly and lethargic and I honestly don't feel like anyone would love me cause I don't look like a normal girl like that song. I didn't start my coding practice and I don't know if I will make it in my career. Past regrets haunt me down and I feel let down and there is no achievement or a boyfriend to feel good about. As of now, I'm 21 years 5.5 months and I feel like I should have loved and enjoyed somebody. I want to kiss a boy. I want to feel a boy. I want to experience pleasure. I want to go out in the night in a car alone or with a boyfriend just riding and vibing with music. I truly want to date and stuff. I'm looking forward to that. I want to excel in my career, make money, excel and be good at it. I want to save up, invest and buy a car hopefully and I wanna do all these stuff. I hope I can do this. Are you there? My self esteem is so low. I truly want to feel beautiful, slim and wear good outfits and have an awesome hair and makeup and look fresh and hot and cute and nice. I want to invite a guy that is apt and fun for me in my life with my qualities. Right now, I feel like I'm at the rockbottom. Everyone looks down on me or atleast that's what I think. It is really hard. I have no pants to wear, good clothes to wear. My feet sole is dirty and I feel ugly. Yeah, I want so much stuff and happiness. I want to shine my personality and be magnetic and show off my personality so that people fall in love with me. So whatever situation you are in, I hope atleast some of it is cured. I will never let you down. Did I let you down or did I work up stuff for you. How are you? Love you. Believe in you. You are bloody awesome and entertaining.