A letter from May 22nd, 2021

Hello me :), I thought it would be cool to write to my future self since I’m close to the end of my Senior year now. But I need to get somethings out of the way. I’m going to make a ton of assumptions on what’s happened so far so if I am wrong, sorry those parts don’t really make much sense. You aren’t allowed to pretend like this is cringey because the thought of that makes me sad :( I just wanna see how you’re doing. Second I would like to say how COOL it is that you will receive this in the FUTURE and you probably won’t even remember writing it? I’m here right now, living my life, absolutely clueless to where and how I will be in 5 years. Like, the past me writing this now is completely gone at this point and replaced by FIVE YEARS IN THE FUTURE ME? I can’t even wrap my mind around how cool that is. The fact that I might be dead by the time this is sent to my email is crazy, but who cares because if you’re reading this now it means I’m not. Back to the other stuff! Now onto the important event(s)/the reason why I’m writing this, CORONAVIRUS UPDATE: Of course people still talk about it, but coronavirus has been insane. It’s definitely a point in my life to remember and I doubt you’ve forgotten in 5 years. It’s kind of funny how it all started. We thought it was just news in China, that we couldn’t be reached. I checked the news daily, watching it spread from country to country, and it finally made its way to the US. We’ve been hit hard, but my life has barely been effected compared to some people. I’m so glad my parents have been able to keep us safe. While I hate quarantine, I’d do it again if it meant protecting my family. I’d be lying if it hasn’t been a little difficult. There’s so many let downs and cancellations and *****. The adults ALWAYS bring up the news at the table, and it’s so depressing. I hate that it’s happening right now and I hate the tensions it’s created. To be honest, I’m scared. We all are scared. Part of me feels the situation is too big to touch me, but I know deep down the affects it could have on me and my family. We just have to continue life and trust in God. At this point I’ve been stuck indoors for about 60 days now? I’ve been complaining a lot but I’ve also found so many things to do. I started drinking tea, tried sewing (hated it), drank lots of smoothies, started working out for 2 weeks then quit, there’s probably too many to list. Besides the existential dread that plagues my every day life since the outbreak, it hasn’t been that bad. My family has been getting along of course and we do things with each other to keep busy and still have fun. I am immensely thankful to have the family I have and that we live side by side without driving each other crazy. I think that is all I want to say about coronavirus. The amount of times I’ve heard the phrases “quarantine”, “during these troubling times”, “vaccine”, and “we’re living textbook history stuff” is too many to count and it has gotten real old by now. So onto some other things. What I really want to bring up is digital art! Mom and dad just spent so much money to get me a new laptop and a drawing tablet so I could start trying it out. I think I really like it too! Right now I’m working on a Frida Kahlo inspired piece that I plan on gifting to Paige, but it turns out learning from scratch is very difficult. The reason why I bring this up is because I think I really see myself going somewhere with it. It makes me nervous to think that with the economy tanking if it really was a good idea to get an art degree? In reality, I’ve just began digital drawing, so I still don’t know if I truly like it enough to go into a career. I guess I’m getting ahead of myself. I hope that whatever plans God has for me in 5 years from now I am doing what I love with people I love. You know, lately I’ve been so bored I’ve been getting that feeling of just being so lonely I think a bOyFriEnD will fix it. No joke it’s so bad I keep having dreams about me finally going out with someone, including stress dreams of me getting back together with MAX. Lol I wouldn’t need a letter 5 years from the past to tell me that relationship wasn’t gonna work out. I just wanna know if you have a boyfriend now? If not, are you married? That thought literally terrifies me. The fact that I totally could just have a kid at this point is so scary to me, but I guess not to you? That only applies if you have a child though so if not you’re lame. Sorry I don’t make the rules. I’ve always told myself that if I wasn’t married before like, 23 I failed myself but that doesn’t really matter. If you’re not married yet, I assume that is because the digital art career thing worked out tremendously. If not, get up and go find someone because you’re too old for this (and make sure he’s at least a 7). Writing about children also reminded me that Peter was a thing and that at this point he’ll be 5 years old! That’s so cool that you’ve been able to watch him grow up, I can’t wait to see him walking. Right now he’s only a month and a half old, so he literally can’t do anything. Today Jeremy got excited because he rolled over on the couch. Like do a trick or something stupid baby. Lol sorry Peter. Anyways, cool that you’ve been an Aunt for 5 years. I also wanted to ask about Sam and Ben? I figure they’d be married by now, but how was being the maid of honor?! I’ve been stressing about that speech since I was 13 years old so I really hope it went well. Remember when you told Sam that really good idea for a point in her maid of honor speech and she used it as her intro and it worked really well and had the whole crowd laughing? Yea I’m cool. (Ps sorry this is so random I just feel like there’s so much I wanna say and every time I write another paragraph it reminds me of something else I wanna say.) I just wanna say how proud I am of you. I just have so much confidence in your intentions and where God is leading me that I am in no means worried about where I will be in 5 years. I’m proud even knowing I can write these words with confidence. I believe that I have such big plans and goals to achieve, and I’m so excited to see and live out all the possibilities. You have taken such big steps into becoming yourself and overcoming so many battles. I’ve been hurt so many times by medical issues but I’ve never let myself get put down by it. I’m just so amazing to think that you reading this now has already lived 5 years of a life that I still have yet to experience, and I’m SO EXCITED to see it all play out. Getting admitted into the hospital in 6th grade has shown me how quickly life can throw you a curve ball, so I know more medical issues could arise at this point. I just know that no matter what happens I can still live my life close to God, my family, and happy to be alive. I mean when I say I am confident in the person I will become. Please never stop being who you are. You love the Lord, your life, your family, and friends. I can say this during a global pandemic. I can say this knowing I trust in God. Nothing is unfixable, and absolutely nothing is permanent. Please don’t focus on the mediocre physical aspects of life that don’t/won’t matter. Your weight does not ruin your life. Eczema on your face is not (and nothing like) a global pandemic. Sadness is only temporary. Live the life you were given as a gift and always keep your eyes on God. Again, I’m so proud of what you’ve done so far and cannot wait to get to your point. Also, thank you very much for giving me something to do during quarantine. I’m not going to proof read any of this so if something doesn’t make sense hope you have a good memory. Bye!