A letter from May 17th, 2021

Dear Aquavia, Am I happy? No i am not happy at all i've found myself being not happy for a while i actually been going through so much and found myself in a unhappy place and this actually isn't, isn't even me because i am a happy person but the things i've found myself doing is disappointing me and the whole situation is making me unhappy at the moment. What lessons have I learned up until this point? The lesson I have learned is that it's not worth it. Me being a teenage girl i make some choices that leave me to question and as i look back at all the decisions i have made which were bad which could be dealing with me talking to boys, me not doing good in school or anything and i realise that none of it is worth it because the outcome of it was not good enough for you to do it the outcome is horrible and doing bad is not worth all the bad things that come with the outcome all of the other things distracting me will be here for when i'm ready bit school and passing won't I get one shot at being able to do good at this eighth grade year and if i do bad it really will pointless because all that can be here for when i'm ready to go to it but i need to do better and know that the things i wanna do will not all be worth it. Am I living life true to myself? I actually am not and i really do need to because at the end of the day like what's the point of making others happy and please other people when i'm not happy myself i regret making others happy and doing what others want to make them happy when that's not what i want making them happy don't matter because in my life i'm the only one who matters my happiness, my goals and everything won't get achieved if i'm focusing on other people or making them happy and living by what they want i need to live by what i want. Am I spending time on things that are important? Hell NO! I absolutely am not my time is really on things that are not important which i'm realising and really about to change because everything else i am focused on is so stupid and its not as important as everything else is and its really making me sad because i'm not doing the right things im doing the wrong things but i am going to improve and change. Career? My career is that i wanna be a RN and i'm trying to stay in school because i know staying in school is going to be the number 1 priority in to getting to that point in my life and when i go to high school the school i'm going to will allow me to be in a CNA program which i can do with my regular subjects so that i can become the RN and it will really help a big part in getting to that point in life that i wanna get to. Health? I mean my health is pretty good i have no health complications that i know of but i wanna try to actually do right as in follow the rules for when it comes to eating healthy and a healthy diet because right now im 13 and of course any 13 year old is going to eat reckless as in drink soda,juice or eat candy and a lot of junk foods but i wanna try to limit that and eat good things i drink a lot of water but i wanna drink more than what i drink and eat healthier than what i already eat and i wanna make sure that my body and health is in good condition for my future self. Relationships? The key to any relationship is communication. I always believed that and i really think it is true a friendship, relationship anything communication will always be key because if you communicate it takes away worries, thoughts and everything and you don't gotta be up thinking and stressing yourself so that is why you need to communicate. What should i remember? Always remember that you only live once. As in you are not going to live life again so you really need to live life to the fullest. Well not too much to the fullest because i was living life a little too much and started something lol but just know your limits as i did not. You only get to be every age once for one year only so make the best of it make good memories make only good decisions because i was living life being a 13 year old and did not make so many great choices as i should have not and it made a lot of things worse but really just live each age and do what you want because you won't be able to be 10 again you won't get to be 13 again you can't be 15,18,21,30 again you get it one time for 365 days each year and you need to make some great memories and don't go overboard but still have fun. What relationships need more attention and what ones need to be dissolved? My relationship with my mom need more attention because me and my mom relationship is not fully there like we don't talk as much as we should and it's not always happy talks when we do talk and i need to make that stronger and change my ways actually cause i know i've been disappointing her and im regretting it and it's not good.And i need to chill out on the relationship with my friend cause i really think being around her is becoming a influence and reflecting on me cause if i look back it seems like i got worse than i was before i met her before i met her i never got into trouble but now i think i get into trouble so much and this not me at all i don't think. What are my goals for the future?My goals are to be very successful, finish school,and have a great life lol. I wanna become a RN,Have my own money,NO KIDS! And to live my life the best i could i wanna do better than my mom because if i do better that's the way i'll make her more happy if i do worse then it'll be a disappointment and so doing better than my mom will really make her more proud than anything else will. And I really just wanna have a nice future for myself. I wanna make myself proud and I will not live in AZ. My goal is to leave AZ when i'm either 18 or 21 latest.