A letter from Apr 21st, 2021

Dear FutureMe, happy Birthday I can only hope it went well tho knowing how we normally feel on our birthday it might just be exhausting, so how short did we cut our hair? well, how short did mom let us I know we are what 17? omg that's cool but scary I am only 13 well only a month away from being 14 but my point stands hopefully we understand more about us as a whole, god tell me we didn't come out as trans or pan or bi it scares me to think of even doing anything like that god I can't even think of yelling at mom and dad much less coming out, are we happy yet? I know we probably aren't but I want to be I want to wake up and love life right now it's the opposite... how's our drawing? are we drawing on a drawing tablet yet? did we ever get makeup if so are we good at it? I feel scared and sad I love someone who I can never be with I want to be Ace, not Megan I hate Megan I want to die I don't think we will make it to 19 or 20 I wish we were born 22 years ago instead of only 14 we will never be happy mom will hate us if we transition dad will to steven never even love me in the first place let's be honest being a voice actor is only a dream we aren't good enough, what be a good YouTuber in our dreams we will die young and no one no one will care we are some random kid in Africa who had a dream that never would work who would want us to voice act? who would want to hear us sing? no one no one needs us no one will die if I died today what are we going to find a genie and ask for the life we imagine, please we are ****** we smoke for god's sake we are nothing I want to be older, be a good sibling be a child my parents want yet I am me and I hate it I wish we never existed let's be honest we won't make it to 20 make me love myself neither of us will be missed it's okay I am sorry I never meant to yell at you I truly want all of that but you know we are a pessimist we can't see a bright side to this hell we want to be happy but are we? I can't I just am so tired I want to sleep and never wake I hate this body I think I always will I know we are young but we know what we want will we get it? I don't know god 17 almost 18 god what if we didn't make it to 17 what if I am writing to my corpse god help us well we are starting school soon I am scared of that mostly bible study it's stupid as **** god is dead and we ****** him **** god not literally he seems like an *** I know this means nothing but I love you because we are ace even if we die before we can be Ace fully that's okay it's okay if we are not okay we are Mr. Brightside we are the lemon boy we are a sinner and I would rather be a sinner than a saint I don't really want us to die I want us to be happy I hope at some point but until then we will never know dear future me I love you Ace