What's going on?

Dear FutureMe, Today I am pathetic. Hopefully I'm better off when you read this again. I'm like 4 days from my boards and I'm freaking out and expressing it terribly. I have begun to drink, smoke, have unprotected sex with a person who is not my boyfriend. So, I'm probably going to have to break it off with him soon too. Basically I'm spiralling downward. So this is not going to be pleasant to read. It's christmas eve and I'm alone in Ohio and throwing a pity party for myself. Let's see, I've lost 5 lbs, which is normally a good thing, but now not so much since it's just because I've turned into such a basketcase that I can barely eat. My whole sense of self, determination, morality, everything is unreachable. I can barely remember who I am. Thankfully, I know as soon as the boards are over these terrible feelings will pass, and hopefully within the 3 weeks I have off I will have achieved some kind of grasp on getting myself back. So, future self I don't ask much of you, as I am not in much of a position to expect anything, but by the time you read this I'm hoping that you will have quit smoking, tempered the drinking and hopefully gone permanently celibate. Maybe not permanent, but at least for a little while until you get a grip. You are smart and you are strong so you don't need the mental crutches that those things provide. Work hard, help others and make the world take notice of you, because you are spectacular! Pain only builds character, so by the time you get this you ought to be an icon. Madonna & Britney watch yourselves! haha. Oh yeah, you from the past, you were an idiot but you were marginally funny too. Hope you keep that trait. Take care. ~A withered, sloppy, messy you.