happy birthday!!

Dear FutureMe, By the time you get this, I think you’ll be 20. It’ll be your 20th birthday. And I know you’ve sent letters to yourself in the past, though I’m not really sure if the email I’m sending this to will still be active, but hey, it’s worth a shot right? I know I wrote myself another letter a few minutes ago, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. You know, like 5 years from now. Right now, you’re in love. Did you know that? You’re madly in love, but he doesn’t love you back. Not anymore. Probably not ever again. But you love him. Because you’ve got a really big heart. A heart full of love. A heart that can endure all of that pain and still smile even when you feel like breaking down. You’re really strong for that, you know? You’ve got a heart full of love, and a heart full of compassion. I know you doubt yourself a lot, but just know that you’re a good person. And I’m very proud of you. Are you in college right now? How was graduation? Are you still taking to your friends from highschool? Do you have any new ones? Did you find someone else to give your heart to? If you said no to any of those things, it’s ok. I’m still proud of you. I know your parents are too, even if it feels like they aren’t. You still have plenty of time, and there’s no rush. How about yourself? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you eating well? You know, you love asian pears, even though dad thought they were bland. They’re your favorite fruit, but you also love mangos. How about your sleep; are you getting enough? Getting too much? Make sure you’ve got a proper sleep schedule. Maybe that’s why you ended up being so short, but that’s ok. You’re perfect the way you are. If he used to love you for who you are, then you can love yourself until you find someone who loves just as much as he did. But you also really love coffee. Hopefully you still do in the future. To be honest, I can’t really see myself giving up coffee in the future, but hey, you never know. Are you still playing the violin? If not, try picking it up again. You used to love playing music. Winter by Vivaldi was your favorite piece, and you loved TwoSetViolin. You used to watch them a lot last year, you know? To be known is to be loved. And I know who you are. I know all your favorite things, and I know what you love and what you hate. It might feel like you’ve forgotten who you really are, and you might’ve forgotten yourself throughout the years. But I know who you are. You’re me. You’re the same girl who stood up after every time she got knocked down. You’re the girl who still decided to love fiercely, even when it hurt so much. You’re the girl who decided to wake up and tackle on the world every day, even when you felt like giving up and sleeping for forever. You’re the girl who always helps others, even if it comes at the expense of yourself. This is who you are. Even if it doesn’t seem that way, this is who you are. You’re strong. You’re brave. You’re smart. You’re kind. You’re genuine. You’re as perfect as you can be, even if it doesn’t feel like that. I know who you are. Even if you’re crying over your first love, or if you feel alone, or if you feel stupid or embarrassed, I still love you. Your past self is rooting for you, and your future self is waiting for another letter from you, so make sure you hold on til then. I still love you very much for who you are, and I hope you never forget that. Keep going. I’ll be working on myself to make sure you’re happy in the future, when you read this. Make sure you do the same when you send yourself another letter, ok? You’ve got this. Yours truly, a sentimental 15 year old (PS: you’re in the middle of COVID as you’re writing this, and you got into K-Drama. You’re favorite show is Boys Over Flowers, just in case if you forgot. Go watch it, if you haven’t in a while. Maybe it’ll bring back some memories.) (PPS: happy birthday! Youre 20 now, right? Ew, you’re so old... Are you rich yet, by the way? You promised me you’d be under a money tree by like, 25, so start saving up now. Go ahead and become the next billionaire. I’ll be waiting!)