A letter from November 9th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, you are sitting in bed at 19:35 and you just want to cry, but you can not you are not yourself so it's impossible ***** came today so I could go to downtown with *****. While we were waiting there, *****'s father came and said how bad I am as a Muslim but I already know. The last time I was with dad was like a year ago and it feels pretty good I know it sounds awful, mom still yells at me and says how bad I am at school but you get kind of used to it even if it is very fucking toxic. I talked to the psychologist at school and I didn't say everything because she doesn't have to know anything. Sometimes I think I exaggerate because everyone has problems and mine are not that big. I have been clean 8 months and one day although I think I will do something today at night but nothing big a scratch nothing more it's just that I hurt myself. I can not stop crying, do not forget that you are never 100% happy the shit comes after and it will hurt so fucking much that you did not want to do the thing that made you happy you understand. Mom and ***** had kind of a fight though they did not fight directly they just argue mom said tp buy a bus card she cried on the way there and mom cried at home before we went, that really can hurt that people older than you haven't found the meaning or their purpose and it just hurts but I will probably move as fast as I can, I think I have to save now or maybe later but you know life is like that and have to think of another profession because I'm not good at school.