A letter from October 24th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Today is October 24, 2020. Written this letter for you at 10 in the morning. Today's weather quite good. I don't know how to start but I just want to wish you a happy birthday Nurul Noor Izzati! Happy turning to 26 years old. Ahhh, getting old huh? Hahaha. I don't even know what future might hold since I can't predict the future. But; I just hoping you're doing good with your life. I know life getting harder day by day. Above all, I hope you getting stronger each day to achieve what you want in your life. it's okay to cry but after that don't forget to smile again, ok? Lemme tell you a story from my timeline zone right now. I was living in the midst of pandemic which is Covid19. Life getting harder especially for us, as a degree student. Currently, am final year student and this 2020 year should be my final year as uni student. Also that, am doing research in inorganic chemistry... But things turn wrong when pandemic hit. I can't even go the lab to do my research. Even my class were online. You know, online class is sucks and it's really exhausting. I just miss to go to the class even every single day I bubbling why I had to go to 8am classes. But now, everything is through online mode. I don't even know how's my life after this. Covid-19 is not a joke. When everyone losing their job, bad economy hit, unstable political view and many more. Right now, I don't even know what my future gonna bring. I hope you're doing good right now. You know , I'm scared when thinking about my future me. It's been 5 years huh? You already go through up and downs in your life. I feel bad with my life right now. I just hoping, the future you didn't feel what I felt right now. Am almost burst into tears. Am really tired. Sometimes, I hope I can disappear from this world but idk I keep reminding myself you're worth than anything. I wish your mental health at this 26 y/I is stable and I just wanna look you wears the smile you had. I hope you always stronger. Sebenarnya, tak tahu nak describe perasaan ni macam mana. It's a mixed feelings. But I feel better after writing this for you. Terlalu banyak perkara yang berlaku dalam hidup ni sampai kadang² tu rasa nak give up dengan this life. You know, terlalu penat. Tersangat penat. Exhausted. They said it might be sound like depression start to take over but I didn't want to believe that. I know, I just tired... And I just need to rest and start again doing the things I should do or the things I love to do. The process kinda long. Tapi I'll try my best so that the future you didn't struggle and hold my bad feelings right now. Tahu tak, self-love is important too. Jangan lupa untuk membahagiakan diri dahulu. Pada umur yang kian bertambah serta masa depan yang aku di sini langsung tidak tahu keadaanya... Aku berharap kau sekarang bahagia. Klau tak sekalipun, aku harap kau happy kan diri kau. Sekarang ni rasanya kau berada di fasa untuk menggapai segala impian kau. Aku tahu sekarang aku dah hilang perasaan dengan segalanya termasuk life aku sekarang, tapi aku tak nak kau jadi seperti aku di masa lalu. Biarlah masa lalu tu beransur pergi, hiduplah dengan masa sekarang. Ohh ya, mungkin kau sekarang dalam perhubungan? Jika ya, aku harap kau dapat pilih orang yg baik budi pekertinya, bicaranya, latar belakang keluarganya, pendidikan, serta agama. Kau sendiri perlu dibimbing... Huh? Jika belum, takpelah. Tak perlu rushing pun dalam perhubungan. Yang penting kau happy dengan life kau. Pergilah buat apa yang kau nak.... Apa yang kau tak sempat nak buat. Enjoy your single life to the fullest. Orang kata, single smpai kaya hahahaha. Apapun, semoga langkah kau sentiasa berada di dalam lindunganNya. Tidak kira apa jua keadaan sekalipun, jangan pernah berputus asa. Selalulah ukir senyuman. Selalulah berdoa agar kau diberikan kekuatan, petunjuk serta hidayahNya. Semoga kau terus kuat melalui hari² mendatang. Semoga kau bahagia dan berjaya. Semoga kau dipertemukan dengan orang yang baik² dan dilindungi dari segala mara dan bahaya. Langkahlah dengan berani, kalau tersungkur.. jangan lupa untuk terus bangun. Tidak salah bergerak perlahan, asalkan destinasi yang dituju sampai juga akhirnya nanti. Aku sentiasa berdoa agar kau bahagia. You're strong girl! Rasanya banyak sangat benda aku nak share tapi penat la pulak lahai nak taip ni. Apapun jaga diri, jaga hati, dan jaga segalanya lah. Klau lah masa boleh diputar kembali, nak sangat aku jumpa masa lalu aku tapi apakan daya. Life must go on. Jadi, aku akhiri tulisan aku ni dengan Bismillah. Orang kata moga kau sentiasa bertuah di dunia dan akhirat. Take care! P/s: jangan lupa pakai mask and hand sanitizer tau. Covid-19 is no joke ok. Even that time mungkin dah takde tapi health is important. Hahahha Sincerely, Your past life, October 24,2020 Sabtu, cuaca mendung. Landing atas katil sambil menulis surat (e-mail) kepada future me. Itupun kalau masa itu kau masih lagi di dunia ni. Klau dah takde, untuk yang baca ni, doakan aku ya! Much love from me.