A letter from September 10th, 2020

Dear Future JayJay, i hope you're feeling better and more reassured about what's to come for you. i know these past few years have been messy and kinda odd but i know you're strong and have gone through it all. i know you know that i feel as if i'm the only one who will ever know who you are and that's okay. many people will try to have been there for you and they probably weren't being there for you properly. its hard to see that i'm all you'll be but i guarantee you will change again after her, after them, after it, i know you'll be so different again. it's strange thinking i'll be you in a few years, to believe i'll live long enough to become you. i'm scared yet somehow relieved at the idea that i'll eventually grow into you. after this past year, you believed she was everything you were ever going to love, but yet somehow i know you prospered and found it again. someone who understood you, who was there for you. somehow i believe you've gotten away from the evil you feel as been corrupting you, that has been ever changing. making you feel like some super villain that was made to hurt the people around him. i know you feel like a good person again and i'm proud of you. you've made so much progress, you've become so beautiful, you look amazing. you're gonna miss me, i don't understand why but you will. i want you to know that this is for the better, to go forward, to beg for the future. it's beautiful when it stares at you. that look in the sky that's always the same yet feels so different when you look at it today. you love it cause it never changes but you do. it reminds you you're gonna change again, but the sky won't. it won't for you. it'll always be there for you knowing it will never change for you, after you, after the pain, the happy, the brilliance, the stupidity, it'll never change. the sky will remain as you change. i'm sorry for whatever as happen to you. i wish i could be more comfort for you, but as you know i don't exist anymore. if i was somehow able to have been there for you i would've been. in a weird way maybe i was there for you. the younger you, i resided in you, waiting to hold you when you were so alone. i was there for you even if you couldn't feel it. i'm still there for you. i don't know how to end this letter, i just hope you'll be okay again after you read it. i'm not happy, but i feel as if you'll be happier today then i was yesterday. i love you bro. take care of yourself. when all is lost ill be there for you. "my gray lays beside me, and i wish to end it, to end my omission"