A letter from September 1st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, It’s august 30, 2020, the time is 7:33 PM. you should be getting this letter on your 21th birthday but if not, forgive me, i must have messed up something. i wrote this while listening to Helena by My Chemical Romance so please take your time to play it while you read this. i hope it’s still one of favorite comfort songs. we’re still in a global pandemic and i’m still not allow to go out, it’s been a rough couple of months, i’ve had my ups but i’ve have more downs than before. i’m sorry for not giving you the best teenage experience but i can barely get up, im too sad to do so. and i don’t have that many friends to begin with. Are you still holding on or did things get better? are you still with Diego or did that not work out either? are you still not feeling good enough for anyone? or did you finally see your worth? what career did you end up choosing? how was your senior and junior year? do you go out more often now? are you finally living your life to the fullest?im not sure if you’ll ever going to get the chance to read this, i don’t know if will make it past this year. if we do make it past 16, please think of me, please think of me, i don’t wanna be forgotten. i wanna stay forever but i’m only temporary, i’m scared to grow up. i’m scared of change. my fear of ***** and being forgotten are the only things that still keep me here. please remember me, please. but if you do forget me and decide a new happy life, please cherish your new happy memories. i’m scared to wake up tomorrow and seeing that i’ve already gotten this letter. i know i don’t make sense but i’m just writing my thoughts. i wish i could right forever but this letter will also have its ending. it’s been 2 years since i tried to **** myself and 2 years since i promised not to try it again, did you keep that promise too? how are mom and dad? how is granpa doing? he was pretty bad a few weeks ago, how old is he now? how’s our brother? where do you live now? are you happy now? did you graduate? do you live by yourself or with someone else? do you still no one’s ever gonna love you just like i did at age 16? did you go to japan? or france? are you going to travel the world just like i wrote it down in the essay i did for our teacher? what color is your hair? is it still green? did you ended up dying it red? did it look good? do you still have the yellow butterflies paintings we did that remaining us of coco? what college did you get into? what part time jobs did you do??? do you still draw? are your paintings better than what they are today? i have many more questions to ask you but i guess i’ll just rather find out by myself. i hope you’re much happier than what i am today, i hope we accomplished all our goals but if we didn’t, can we please accomplish them? you should be 21 by now, are you married if so, who are they? are they a she or a he? do you kids, did you named her Mei just like i wanted to? i want to last forever but it’s an impossible wish to ask for, please live your life to the fullest. don’t harm yourself anymore and be happy. ❤️