A letter from August 19th, 2020

03/07/2020 Dear FutureMe, life rn kinda sucks, not gonna lie. the whole world if ****** up because corona, and I have no ideia what to do with my life. Do I switch colleges? Is the one im at right now going to be good for me? I don't know. I hope you do. I've been feeling like **** lately and apparently I have to externalize my feelings by crying or something but it seems im never able to cry for the right reasons. Most of the time I don't know what's going on. I just want it to be over, and im not sure what "it" is. idk. I hope you're still alive and kicking it. Maybe you've learned how to let people in by now, maybe you think this is dramatic, maybe you're thinking "why the **** is the ***** writing in English?". I have an answer at least for the last one: disassociation. I got kinda bad grades on a couple of exams today and I feel like Im not good enough. I generally feel like that, it's just im so ordinary, everyone seems to be good at something to have a "thing" and I really really really wanna have my thing. I hope you found it. I hope you're doing something you like with your life, and I hope you figured it out easily (we know ourselves it probably wasn't easy but let me dream). Ive been really invested in Tony Stark lately, and I hope they didn't massively **** up the MCU, I also hope JK Rowling stops being ******* insane or something (idk dies). I think I need to learn how to say no to things, Im terrified of doing it I think because I've learned that a good way for people to like you is if you're useful, I hope I figured this out. and it's not like I can't stand up for myself because if I really don't wanna do smt I just won't do it but its the small things you know. of course you know. I hope you kept strong on the 5 year journal, that's probably gonna be cool with this letter (if you ever get this, idk maybe ill change email). I don't really know what else to say, so for now I'll just leave this tab open little longer.