A letter from August 5th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, How are you doing? I hope you are happy! I hope you are doing your best to reach your dream. You must be forgotten already what do I feel right now and why am I doing this, right? U know, 5 years ago before u get this letter, u were struggling so much. Every minute u were thinking of suicide. U were even googling about how to die painlessly, cianide, overdose, and many more. U were wondering will u be able to be happy or even stay alive until next year, next 3 years, or even next 5 years. U were frustrated. U lost everything. U were wondering how could it end up like this. U were hoping for miracle like in the film where the main chara become successful after passing through some ordeals. But, u knew that life is not a happy fairy tale. Yep, here I am writing letter to u wanting to say hello to u hoping that u r happy by the time u were receiving this letter. At least, hoping that u will be happy in the future will give me a little bit of strength to fight at this point of life. ... life is hard eh. I won’t be surprised if you r struggling when u r receiving this letter. But, no matter how hard it is, please protect yourself, protect what u have achieved, don’t let it go easily. Reach out for help asap. Not all people r bad. Talk. I believe that u have already found the dearest people who love u right now. Believe in them. Ask for their help if u r struggling. They would be more than happy to help u. I hope that I can be myself at 30 years old when I receive this letter. I can express myself properly, loving myself properly, fight harder, be much more healthier mentally and physically. I hope u already find a partner who will be an oasis for u, n u love that person so much. U feel that u can conquer this world as long u have him/her. I hope u r in a better place now. Even if u were struggling, I hope that u were using all of ur strength, never give up, and remember that u r a winner! Don’t forget ur idol The Sinbad. Remember how Sinbad is guided by rukh n u feel the similarity of that with u. U r the same! Believe in ur strength. Never doubt urself! User ur strength for the NOW. Never think about “later” and “what if”. JUST DO IT. FIGHT IT. **** WHAT PEOPLE R TALKING ABOUT. U HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THEIR HAPPINESS. UR HAPPINESS IS NUMBER ONE! DONT BE AFRAID TO FIGHT BACK FOR UR HAPPINESS! Wow, i never knew that typing using caps r totally relieving my stress.... So many things that I want to tell and ask u. R u eating well? Can u sleep well? Can u jogging? R u taking care of ur appearance? How’s mom n dad, they r still alive, right? R they happy? Did u take them for vacation? How about ur ugly brothers? R ur friends still jerk XD ? Have u found any girl/boyfriend? I hope I can hear good n happy answers from you :). But, if not all is going well, pls reach out for help asap when u receiving this letter. Do it tomorrow! **** ur job or task! Even if u skip it 1 day the world wont stop, it is still going to move. Last, please hang in there. Do ur best. I love u so much. No one loves u as much as me. U r the most amazing human being in this planet. U deserve everything u want! From your 25 years old past self Harya