A letter from July 29th, 2020

Dear Z, I know that, at the time of message (June 30 2020), you've been having a real tough time. I don't even know if you'll even be alive when you get this message. For my sake, I hope so. I hope that everything works out well for us, and that you find some peace. I hope that we're able to move past our failures, and that we can let go of that anger that we are holding on to. I know that people know us as the kind of person who doesn't get angry easily, the kind of person who always tries to be optimistic, even when its so much easier to be angry. But I guess that's the truth, I am angry, but I feel more sad than I do angry. It's something that overwhelms me at times, and I feel like I can't breathe, and I need to escape. Sad because of my failures. Sad because I could've tried harder. Sad that I'll never be allowed to do somethings because my family would rather die then let me. I guess I'm sad at the hand I've been dealt, I should try to make the most of it, that's what a stronger person would do. But I don't feel like I can keep going for much longer. God, I feel like I've been going full sprint for years now, and I don't think my legs can keep up anymore. ****, reading back on all of this makes me sound like I'm 100 years old. I'm only ******* 19. Whatever the future holds, I hope that you're able to do everything that I want to. - Z from 5 years ago.