A letter from July 28th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Let me write my words, just for myself, or shared every so often in the warm night Coming to me at the most tumultuous of times or perhaps The most convenient Spilling from me nearly every day, these days Harking back to a time of angry scribbles, of loathing But now my words seem to be filled only with love, most of the time So much love I'm grateful for that, just as nearly every poem begins as one of gratitude Questioning, sure, but always coming back to the serendipity seeming to rule My existence, all my lovely moments and car rides and sunsets How did I come to this place? This self? Was it always within me? Waiting for a place to grow? A place in which my heart could blossom out, no end in sight? It grows larger by the day, it seems, this infatuated soul I am smitten with the world, with my life at the present moment And I hope to carry that with me always, forever I'm not sure I could ever go back, knowing what is out there for me I'm scared, panic-struck terrified, of losing it Which I'm hoping will cause me to only tighten my grip Build it stronger and stronger into incorruptible solidity The way I see this love as a childlike wonder--it must have always been in me But I will not let it grow old and fade out of perspective--I cannot I swear I will build this life around mountains and seas and wildflowers in the summer Somehow, someway I know myself now, at least in the least bit And I know she will make my life a living hell if I let this all go I can see myself growing so uncomfortable, so unhappy That I'll have no choice I know I am young, so fresh and new in this world I find myself in now-- And that scares me too To wonder at where my life might go--though I suppose I should rather focus on where I might take it All the things I will do, in this endless reach towards love I swear to you, I will not lose it So please, climb the rocks and the mountains, lose yourself in the ecstasy of water and impulsivity You have so much going for you, I know you do; you always will This has become a plea to a future self, should she listen And I hope that she will Read these words, right here, go back to all your love poems written out to the universe Without flinching, cowering I'm sure you think you know everything--but you know nothing Except that here, in this moment, there is love There is love, so much love, and it feels right This is right and it always will be-- That I feel I know for sure And if you have lost it, I'm asking you not to weep But rather go out and find it again, because it is there And I know you have the power to reach it Even if just for a moment--take a sunset drive, like you used to every night And bask in the warmth and love and beauty surrounding you, that is there, always, For you to discover and discover again Don't leave yourself to only reminisce on halcyon days But please, please, keep building them I know you can do it; you know you can do it There is so much for you out there, should you remember the incredulous joy Of simply being alive, here on this wondrous planet with all its endless possibilities Waiting for you