A letter from July 18th, 2020

Dear Rian, You might reading this by now and maybe you thought that it was from other person but hello this is just me,yourself.So Hi self I wrote this in Sat July 18 2020.So now I can say tham I'm happy but in a thought of "what if I consult a psychiatrist in future and ask her about why I am like this right now." Wala lang naisip ko lang.Kanina kse there was a throwback video that I heard from I think from 4 years ago .It was about Ody whose dancing and showing how funny he is, it's videographed by Ate Franz. In that video,you can clearly see or hear that I'm so loud. The one who had a high pitch voice.Lol. My voice is kinda cute in the video but that video almost made me cry. It's funny actually,seeing my lil bro making fun and showing this to us. But the fact that I'm just in the background,laughing,and then my Ate Franz suddenly said that I should join Ody and the video,but my other Ate say teasingly that I should not join the video because I'm ugly asf and then my uncle also said it that I should not join so they tease me and then my energy from laughing at my lil bro suddenly fade because of that. (maybe the video will notify on your facebook in the future,just tell me what you feel after the years.) It's just that it's still sad even though the video is already from 4 years ago.Uhm ayun,just nothing I just feel sad now because I think the way they treat me back then make me a person the way I am now ; slightly insecure, can't feel the love and support from fam, can't trust myself can be funny also, or I sometimes lack of confidence when family gathering came.So yah.But God is with me so I think I can change this,someday.And I know he has a plan for me.So yahh!Keep going self,whatever you are feeling right now,don't give up,there's God! Keep leaening amd explorinf, I love you.