A letter from July 14th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, this letter is for you when you’re 21. right now, imagining me at 21 is terrifying. i’ve been thinking about the future more and more lately and even though i don’t mean it in a depressing way, i can’t imagine a future for myself. i don’t know what i want for myself when i’m 21. i just hope i am happy. when i think about the future i feel uncertain, but the one thing i hope for myself is that i’m happy and healthy. at this point, hopefully you will be at least halfway through college, hopefully doing something that ignites a passion in you. that’s important, because i don’t have one right now, and i haven’t in years. i hope you find something within yourself that makes you happy and keeps you occupied. i hope you have also found happiness with someone else, preferably romantically, but i hope you have at least one friend that has your back unconditionally. even right now i have anxiety inducing thoughts about the near future, like going back to school, doing the sat, applying for scholarships and college, etc, but i know i’ll get through it. even at 21 there’s gonna be challenges that induce much more anxiety but you always get through it. i wonder how 2025 is. it sounds scary to think of, especially because i’ve only thought up to when i’m 18 in terms of life and how it’s gonna be like. it’s also scary because of how 2020 went. did it ever get better? with covid, mostly. i hope it did... these past few months have gone by so quickly and it scares me. i can’t imagine going back to school. i’m supposed to in a month, but cases have been rising and i’m scared. i don’t know how it’ll go. anyway i’m going to include some thoughts i have about my future, maybe some of them will be true. right now, i feel a pull towards social work for my career, but i’m not 100% sure, nor do i have experience. thinking about jobs, careers, resumes, and anything of the sort scares me, but i’ll work my way through it with help. i hope bella is still with you, she’ll be 8 by 2025. she’s my favorite to be around and she’s the sweetest. i just hope you are doing well and building a future for yourself. i hope you actually see a future for yourself. i hope that when you think of yourself in 5 years from now that it’ll be a clearer picture than it was 5 years back. i hope you learn to love yourself, and that when you look in the mirror the first thing you’ll do is see beauty, and not nitpick your own features. you’re beautiful, i hope you don’t struggle with realizing that. i hope that when you think of yourself and reflect on your life so far, that you’re proud. that you’re proud of how far you’ve gone. i hope you still find happiness in the music you listen to and the artists you love. that you find comfort in their music. that they heal you on your darkest days. if you can’t heal yourself, let the music do it for you. it always has. i’m getting emotional writing this, i wonder if you are too while reading this. as much as it scares me to think of how 5 years will just pass like it’s nothing, it excites me because i have these 5 years to experience. experience the joys of life. like driving, graduating, finding love, making friends. i don’t want to focus on only the negative as i tend to do, so i hope by 21 you will have pushed that negative mindset away at least a bit, and think of the positive before the negative sometimes. also, have fun! take every opportunity you are given. every opportunity is a new life experience. i know that’s easier said than done, i’ve said no to many offers because i was scared. but i hope you’ve learned to take risks, and although some might not work out, it’s a lesson. that’s just how life is. everything can’t go the way you want it to, and i hope you learn and handle that well. also, check on your parents. they love you a lot. i hope you text and call them regularly, if you aren’t living with them. they really want the best for you, even if you don’t see eye to eye on everything. take care of them. i think that’s it. 16 year old me wishes you the best, and i ask you to write yourself a letter for when you’re 26. 26 sounds even more scary to me. good luck and i love you❤️ ps ahhhh i feel like after i send this i’m gonna want to add something else because that’s just how i am but whatever. it’s locked so i can’t add anything else lol . bye again