A letter from July 14th, 2020

Hey *****, I sent you a letter a few months ago about how I hoped you were married to some guy, which like sure, whatever. But honestly don’t and I repeat don’t do that (unless it’s already too late) without feeling that you are made from the same thing. I know soul mates is a cheesy concept, but I don’t think you should marry anybody who you don’t feel a natural sympathy with. When you speak to him you would know, wouldn’t you? Shouldn’t you feel like he gets you in a way that no one, or few other people do? Shouldn’t you be so proud of him? Just like proud he exists and in love with his singular habits? Shouldn’t it feel like you could talk to him forever? Like even when you’re bored of him and he’s bored of you there’s still an understanding that time will do it’s subtle work and you’ll look at each other charitably again? Remember that you like to sing harmony and talk about books and laugh and you don’t like going to state fairs. Can he speak well? Does he express his feelings? Does he make you genuinely laugh? Is all of this irrelevant because you are unconcerned about men? Or have you learned that sympathies are the stuff of fairy tales and it’s all about making it work. **** you if you have, how decidedly unromantic. If you are on your own, I’m proud of you. My last email might have disparaged you on that point, but I take it back here and now. Looking ahead into the life you live in is scary to me, I worry about who you’ll have. Who do you feel close to? Do you feel known? Are you healthy? Have you claimed adulthood like I am trying to summon the strength to do now? Here’s the thing, I’m sure you care **** all about me and what I wanted for you “then” because I’m you, BUT. Just live a life you’re proud of okay, *******? Don’t do it for your younger self writing you at midnight terrified of the place you exist in now. Do it for you 5 years from now. Or do it because the world works in seasons, and things will be better and worse and I think you’ll last through the both better if you’re healthy in all the ways you can be.