A letter from July 12th, 2020

Dear Nallely, Hey, it's you from 5 years ago. I hope you are still alive. How is life? Is it better than what it is for me now? Right now for me there is a lot going on. Everything seems like there is not gonna be any happiness for me. I am tired of being sad and depressed all the time. Right now, there are protests all around, there is Covid-19 spreading, I also feel like I'm not making Theory (your boyfriend) happy. Just now, he took a small nap and when he woke up he said "Sorry I just needed a break from everything. Im just tired". I responded with "Ur good. I'm tired too. Tired of the world, tired of living", he responded "Me too. I'm sorry". I told him I needed a little break, too. He left me on seen and well, now I'm here writing this letter. I just hope him and I will work out. I hope I feel happier in 5 years. I hope him and I aren't stuck in the past. I hope we can still move past it. I hope that it doesn't become a problem. I got so much to say but like I don't really know how to put it into words. I am gonna be telling you how I feel now, and maybe you can compare it to yourself 5 years later. I feel very depressed, very stressed and anxious all the time. I miss my mom, too. I hope she is doing better in the future. I just hope and pray to God that she is alright and that all of my family members are safe. I really want to get an evaluation with a psychiatrist but I am not sure when that will happen. I am tired and I want to sleep forever. I hate my body so much, I am trying to learn self love. Right now, in the state that I am in, I feel like there wont be a future me and I feel like I wont live that long enough. My only hope now is that I want to get an apartment with Theory. I really hope that happens. If things dont work out between us, right now I feel like I wouldn't be able to date for a long time. I hope he stays with me, I hope he doesn't feel like I am not good enough. I hope he still stays after the 2 year mark. I really love him and I want to give him all of the happiness he deserves after all of the **** I have put him through. I want to be happy and he gives me that happiness. I love you, Theory. But... that is enough of my relationship rant. I also want to remind you that you should stand up for what you believe in no matter what as long as it is not harming anyone. Also, I hope your obsession for anime is still within you lololol. I hope you finish Dragon ball soon and I hope you rewatched and finished attack on titan. I hope you are in a better place than i am now. I hope your grandparents from both your mom and dad's side are still healthy and alive, and if not, I am sorry for your loss. You'll be 21, almost 22, when you read this (I hope you are still here). I want to talk about your painting and hopefully the art career you chose. Did you finish the JoJo painting and the Broly painting you started? I hope they turned out good. Did you sell them? If you did, how much? I dont know if you'll remember but maybe you should write down the dates you sold them for. What about video games? Did you get the PC you wanted? Or did you stick to console. Did you keep your friends ***** (Skilar) and Warrior (Russell)? I know this is really long but I just want to make sure you remember what you have been through and I want to show you how you have grown. How are all of your middle school and high school friends? After reading this, you should check up on them if you have the chance. I am going to try to keep the email I have now because I want to see how much I have progressed over the time. I hope you doing good. I hope you are doing better than I am now. Did you get a good job btw? I hope you did. Do you have a family yet? How did the Black Lives Matter movement and Covid-19 end? Or is it still going? What else is new. Also when you finish reading this and you are done checking up on your friends, you should respond to this email. Just to compare. It would be cool if I sent this to you now and then you would respond to me right away. That would be weird but cool at the same time. How are your sisters? Are they mature enough yet lmao. I dont know what else to write. If I come up with anything else, I'll write another letter. I just hope you are doing better. I hope you are doing amazing. I love you, please learn self love soon. Be safe out there.