A letter from July 5th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Hey... Its currently 1:51 am here in Irvine. Ill start with the negatives rn bc the only reason I'm sending is because I feel numb. I just moved here a few weeks ago and im starting to question why tf I decided to move here. I know its because of the whole divorce thing but still, was it really necessary for a fresh start when you already have a good life back in the bay area? Who knows. Lets see, in five years youre 21 woah. How does it feel? Youre officially an adult and your life is up for you to decide. Do you have a boyfriend? Which college did you get accepted into? Are you still not opening up your heart to God because the doubt is too strong? Do you have a lot of korean friends? Do you have a good relationship w both of your parents? Are we still in quarantine? Are you still friends with Melanie Melanie and Anna liv? Is BTS still there? Are you still into Kpop? Have you lost your vcard yet? I'd love to know soon. I guess I'm just feeling really lonely right now bc we're in quarantine and you just moved. Currently, you and Hailey are getting kind of distant bc you don't really think yall match and Ivy said shes moving so she cant hangout but she still hasnt hmu since. Today, you cried and reread all of the letters your friends gave you before you left and thought tha life is unfair. You still don't like your grandparents because of what they said to you and all the bs ab how our family will never b happy nor reach the next level of "family strength" of whatever. Ya, you don't feel bad ab staying inside your room the entire day and ignoring them. Will you regret it in 5 years? You also don't know what your real personality is. You feel kind of fake. When hanging out with your softie friends, you get all cute and **** but as soon as youre with your baddie friends you switch up and act like emotions are for weak *****. You think having a deep conversation with family is cringey and awkward and talking to your dad for more than 20 minutes ab any topic is also awkward. You were fine with their divorce but it could also just b you being emotionally unattached to your parent's relationship. You've been missing 환욱이 오빠 a bit more lately. Its scary to think that you don't realize how empty you are until you actually start to reflect on yourself and start to have time to think about yourself. With him, you could rant to him all you want and hype each other up ab everything but now that hes gone youre just... feeling empty and god that took you a whole year to figure that out. Not that it was anyone fault, you guys just got busier and more distant. I hope youre a completely different person in 5 years. I hope you think before you give your all to others. Stop being there for people hoping that they ll give you the same in return. they wont. I wish youre stronger and oh my god STOP CRYING WHEN PEOPLE YELL AT YOU. I hope you found the motivation to start loving yourself and to start working on yourself better and better. Stop overthinking simple situations and dont be overly nice to others. I hope you found a career path that will lead you to a stable life and a happy one. For now, you want to be a barista at a cute cafe in Korea while being a dance teacher at one million dance club. I hope you found your jimin or jhope there. I hope you don't get into drugs or be something that ***** u up completely. I hope your metabolism gets faster and please start feeling confident! oh btw your ideal type rn are boys who are taller than you, softie to you but cold to others, and has nice hair. ㅎㅎ 지금은 힘들겠지만, 이 고비만 넘기면... 좋은일이있을꺼야. 너무 깁게 생각하지말고, 식식하게 살아라. 울어도돼, 아무도 안봐, 다른사람들말고, 화가나면 화내, 너도 사람이니깐, 니인생의 제일 소중한 사람은 바로 너야. 네가 하고싶은거하고 살아, 이 짧은인생, 하고싶은거하고 살아. 다만, 성품있게 살아.