A letter from July 4th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, It's currently 3:31 pm, July 4th, 2020. Its been a very crazy year and i'm actually kinda surprised i'm still here, cuz you know i'm lowkey kinda depressed & i want my bf:( PS: i'm here cuz i saw this on tiktok, thought it was cool...But anyway WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FRICKIN PANDEMIC!! i hope everyone is safe & healthy... and your not alone, i may not know you but i love you and i'm so proud of you, cause hey look you made it this far already so don't give up! your so amazing and beautiful , And never give up on yourself, cuz you matter even when you feel like you don't! remember God is w/ you every step of the way, he is fighting for you!! and your so **** strong like sis/bro what? you made it this far congrats beautiful person, so whats the point of giving up anyway? . BUT LOOK WE MADE IT TOGETHER!YAY!CONGRATS TO US!!! But starting off with this year, it was crazy... first we were hearing rumors of world war 3, between Iran and America, but then at the same time Covid 19 was spreading, which caused the whole world to go in lock-down (quarantine), this meant that we didn't have school anymore for the rest of the year, which was actually pretty exciting. anyway i honestly hope we wont be able to go to school next year either. thinking of going into grade 10 scares the sh*t out of me, makes me wanna poop my pants. but before we went into quarantine, we were obviously still in school and while we were still going to school, i guess you can say a lot happened, starting from me tryna cut off my friend who was toxic as ****, but i'm still friends with her, sadly, but lets see if i still am in 3 years. we were in march when Covid was starting to spread more and more, and more people were getting sick, but during this month i remember that one morning on February 11th, 2020, when i was heading to my homeroom class the school counselor was standing by the door, which was a bit odd, but i didn't think much of it, until i went in the classroom, the vice principle &English teacher were standing in front of the class, they talked to us a bit, then they said that our teacher had an accident and something happened to him, at first i thought he probably got in an accident while he was biking home or something, i thought to myself "hes probably in the hospital and going to be completely fine" but then the vice principle started reading a letter, explaining this "accident", we were all so confused we just wanted to know what happened...until she came to the part of the letter where it said that he had a heart attack and passed away... i will never forget this moment, when it slipped out of her mouth, it was so unreal, hard to process. But as soon as they told us this everyone burst into tears... i remember sitting there so confused...numb, no tears coming from my eyes... just hurt and confused. the main thing i was most hurt about was the fact that i hated him so much and how me and my friend would always mess around which made him get mad and yell at us. for the rest of the day it was just mourning, grieving for his *****. it made me so sad, i wasn't even sure if i wanted to go to school for the rest of the week, but i did, for him. i have many goals to reach, thinking of becoming a cop, a good cop of course or even a model! but if i were to become a cop i'd wanna be friends with everyone in the neighborhood, i wanna protect people, even if it means dying. i'd die a hero anyway, plus at least i got to save people & become friends with all the beautiful people out there, Black, brown, white, yellow, bisexual, ***, lesbian, trans, whatever, but lets see if any of this racism will be gone anytime soon whe i read this again... This year has not only been enough crazy for me, BUT IT JUST GOT CRAZIER. A SIS GOT HER FIRST BOYFRIEND!!!! we started talking everyday, until on June 6th, 2020, we started dating, but then later that month he stopped talking, i was so confused, i texted him asking what happened and if he was okay, i started getting worried. i waited hours, no reply, waited days, no reply, waited weeks, no reply. But as soon as it happened i remembered he said that he might get locked up again...even though he didn't do anything, everyday i thought of him, thinking "did he really get locked up?" "what if he didn't and something worse happened?" but i forced my self to not think like that, i knew he was in juvie, he had to be, but the real question was "for how long?", we had future plans, hoping we could live together, have kids and all that, but i'm not giving up on it. Did you move to where where you wated to move? did you and your boyfriend last? did you move in with him? did you become a cop or a model? did you name your daughter Deja/Daja? do you even have kids?. one thing i do know is that i will never leave him, because i know i'll never find anyone like him...him being locked up doesn't separate us, did it tho? now moving on to my insecurities, from being short as fck, not looking quite my age & being a lil insecure about my hair...but i'm still beautiful and unique just like you are! i want to be at least 5'2 or 5'3...did it happen? and i'm sure i'll get to where i wanna get, did i though? god has a plan for me just like he does for you. well i guess we'll see where i am in the next 5 years, cuz i got big life plans for my future so lets see what the future has in store for me:)