A letter from July 4th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Wow. Well today is July 3rd. 2020. I’m 16. I don’t really know how to start honestly. This has probably been one of the worst years of my life to be honest. Sophomore year was going great in general. Lotta friends football games hanging out. I thrived in certain areas. But I feel like while I was at my highest, I was also at my lowest of that makes sense. I had a ton of fun and friends, but I drank alcohol and smoked weed almost weekly. I remember really clearly actually, granite bay high school, I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom stall, over the toilet vomiting because I drank too much tequila that morning. The reason I remember this specific instance is because I remember after I threw up, just sitting on the floor my head on my knees crying and really thinking how I messed up my life so bad. I’m currently addicted to nicotine. Ever since January. I’m working on it. I used to dress like a **** at school, but I put on the hijab a month ago. Because we’re in quarantine and I know for a fact that I’m never going back to school so I thought why not. I still smoke and drink and pierce myself lmaooo. But I’m really hoping that the hijab will force me to be better. Quarantine has honestly been the worst thing. It’s pushing me to be worse and do bad things because honestly my parents are too much rn. We don’t get any food from outside and I haven’t seen my friends in 5 months now. Everyone is getting closer, and I just feel like I’m getting farther and farther away. I honestly really hope your doing well. Right now my dream is to move to LA or NY for college hopefully fashion. Live there and really be able to experience life. I hope I was able to fulfill the dreams i want so bad right now. I’m working on them I hope I was able to see them through. I’m going into junior year this college and hopefully I’ll pass the CHSPE in October so that I can do Sierra then move tf out of this house. I hope maybe your in love. Or maybe there’s someone. I hope your happier then I am now. Well I think that’s it. See u in 5 years lol. I hope I’m a good person bc I have the potential to be very bad and haram lmaoo. Anyways I’ll continue to push away my depression. Bye