A letter from July 3rd, 2020

to the future me, how are you doing? i might write this publicly, but i'm not sure. you're going to get this in 5 years. right now you're not feeling very well, you woke up with a stuffy nose and a headache. who are your friends now? do you have new ones? do you still know the old ones? you're currently only going into 6th grade, so it will be the start of highschool when you get this! that's pretty cool. right now you hope future you is doing alright. just please don't give up. it's been only a few months since the last time you said you wanted to **** yourself. what about you now? i hope you're doing better. i love you SO much and i believe in you. did you finish your shampoo and your conditioner at the same time yet? did everyone adopt all the stray animals on the streets yet? probably not, so don't do anything to yourself. you have to keep going and find a sweet awesome girlfriend that would do anything for you and you're going to have 2 cats and a dog. i know you are!! and you're going to keep living and keep going WAY longer than this. you weren't put here to leave. you are going to keep doing this and keep going. do you have 1 million followers on tiktok? you are NOT leaving until that. and that's never going to happen so that's just another reason to keep going. keep going until you can't anymore. but you BETTER die with your cats and dogs and your wife next to you or it's not the time. you're going to keep going. and keep going. and keep going. and keep going. and i KNOW you are going to read this. what's happening right now? how are our parents? how are our friends? do you still know the people you met on the internet 6 years ago? i know they're not crying right now because you're dead. i know they're not worried for you because you're in the hospital. i know you're healthy and we're going to get through this together. i know you're okay and i know that if you're worried just talk to the angels and they will help you. and talk to cleo and charlotte and they'll comfort you. anything you do, DON'T. GIVE. UP. keep. going. i love you. zinnia