A letter from July 1st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Did you finally learn how to take care of your skin? Did you lose wieght? Have you finally found yourself? Right, now I feel lost and our parents are probably gonna go through a divorce. I don't know how to feel about it, but hopefully they stay together in the future, if not I hope that we can still have a nice relationship with them. Anyways, lately I've been feeling disgusted with myself. I've been eating, sleeping, spending time on the internet. I'm on my bed most of the day and I never go out ever since the outbreak. I'm trying to learn korean, but it's super hard. I also want to learn how to skateboard, draw, sing and dance so that I can finally find something that truly makes me happy and that only belongs to me. Perhaps, my future self found a hobby or learned something about herself to finally feel as though you're doing something right for yourself, because lately.. I've been feeling disgusted with thy self. It doesn't help when my sister shoots me down whenever I think of trying something new and I get insulted by my family left to right. "big head!" "fatty!" "lazy!" "stop eating!" "ugly!" I usually laugh it off or insult them back, but I don't know how much I can take. I know that I'm more sensitive compared to them, everyone knows that too. I cry when someone raises there voices or if I feel like I hurt someone's feeling. When no ones looking, I cry in the bathroom all alone so no one can criticise me. Hopefully, I can get a job, find an apartment and live alone till I find the one I want to live the rest of my life with, if not I'll just adopt some cats watch rom-coms and eat some ramen till I die. Also, I don't think I'll ever love myself, whenever I look in the mirror I stare at my flaws and feel like I'm gonna cry. I don't know how to do makeup, believe me I've tried and my style isn't the best. So, future self please become a new version of me so that I can finally be happy with myself. Don't worry, I'll work hard and you just got age a little so I don't look like a baby with a 20 year old body. Thank you, for letting me vent out my frustrations and hopefully you can smile at your past self and truly think of how stupid I am and that we're beautiful. ~ thank you