A letter from June 29th, 2020

Dear Ash, Hey, you look so happy in that photo, it seems you had been doing your passion a lot then, that smile, the giggles, the jokes, the positive connotion you have when every time there's trouble, it was you so happy and positive but yet too emotional deep inside. People had gone talking and says something about you--being emotional by everything haha but u just kicking their ***** and you didn't stop yourself from being you. I'm so proud of you Ashi, im so proud that you did what you really love in those times, nailabas mo kung sino ka talaga. I'm so proud bcs u have handled your problems softly. The heartbreak, your family problem, the questions you have in mind, trying to figure out and adjust about your true personality--in those years ashi, youve been stayed strong and smiling. And this words im gonna say next is heartbreaking than ever, while scrolling to your photos, i got insecured, hurt, kase ang saya-saya mo niyan eh, sobrang saya mo. Im sorry i had to erase those smiles in you, im sorry i made you broken, that i've hurt you, i let you in the darkness you shouldn't entered i'm sorry ash, please forgive me for not being fair. Im sorry cause i did not took care you that much. Im sorry you have to carry the burdens i made. Im sorry i took your dreams away, pls believe me hindi ko ginusto na masira ka. Hindi ko ginusto na masaktan ka, hindi ko ginusto na mawalan ka nang buhay. Hindi ko ginusto na minsan mong sinubukang tapusin ang lahat, im sorry kase naging makasarili ako. Sorry nakalimutan kita, sorry dahil pinatay kita sa kalungkutan. Mapatawad mo sana ako sa pagkakataong ito, alam ko nang hindi ako perpekto at hindi ko kayang maging katulad nang iba. Na lahat may sariling kakayahan at buhay. Na ganito talaga ang buhay, mawawala ang lahat sayo pero hindi ibig sabihin maiiwan kang mag-isa habang buhay. Na hindi habang buhay pasan ko ang mundo, na hindi ako habang buhay magiging malungkot, hindi dapat habnag buhay nasa dilim na lang ako. Your smiles and laughs crashed me, kase yung mga ngiting sincere na katulad nang mga ngiting ganiyan ang inalis ko sa'yo. I'm sorry ash. Pls help me to stand again and bring back the life you dreamed for us. I badly missed and need you right now. I will not disappoint you this time ashi. I will never again hurt you. Mahal kita, balik ka na ha. Hihintayin kita. Sana kapag dumating na sayo ang sulat na 'to, okay ka na. Buo ka na ulit. Buo na tayo, sana. Your otherself, Ash